Wherever I go, it is the question on everyone's lips*:

"Nightsky! How's the aperiodic quilt coming along?"

It will not surprise you to learn that it continues to grow... aperiodically.  From its humble beginnings as my something-to-do-in-line-at-Comic-Con handwork (a course of action I heartily recommend, by the way), it has grown to... well, see for yourself, in these exclusive crappy photos that I had to take with my cell phone camera because I am not 100% sure what I did with the real camera.

*n.b. This is not, technically, true. 

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Well, it's been a while since I began my Butt-Toning Sneakers Experiment, so I figured I'd give an update.

I've been wearing the sneakers pretty much....anywhere that is sneaker-appropriate.  Thanks to my lifestyle, sneakers are appropriate about 90% of the time.  The arch support is amazing, and they actually helped me improve my balance.  I'm a natural klutz, and Reebok Easytone forces your body, even when standing still, to make small adjustments to balance on the soles of the shoes.

They look great.  The only people who've noticed that I'm wearing butt-toning sneakers are women, and they only notice when I kick off the sneakers or something and they see the soles of the shoes.  At which point, they generally ask how they work, where I got them, and mention surprise at the lack of Titanic Boat Appearance.  These things work undercover.  They are the butt-toning 007's of the sneaker world. 

It's hard for me to give a good analysis of the actual toning, since I don't really have an objective source for that.  I will say that personally, I feel better about my posterior.  I've also had several comments on improvements of the contours of my legs, which means muscle tone is probably becoming more obvious...and quite frankly, I received frequent compliments on my legs before I started the experiment (sort of a given due to my height), so an addition to that is notable in my eyes.

They make jogging a bit tougher.  Expect to get a little more winded at first just because you're adjusting to them.  As I said, I can't really say anything about the booty region, but so far, it seems like I've had good results.  And it's not like they cost much more than any other athletic shoe worth its salt.  I deem Reebok Easytone sneakers a good investment. 

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My sister just sent me this.

See Barbie.  See Barbie hack.

Yes, everyone's favorite 12" fashion doll has become a computer engineer!

I... uh... wow.  My usual objections to Barbie are swept away by the awesomeness that is the mere notion of a Computer Geek Barbie. Those rockin' pink specs are just extra icing on that cake.

 The link says that this was the first of Barbie's professions chosen by popular vote, though they don't say who was doing the voting. If it was the girls, that's extra awesome.

ETA: You will not be disappointed to learn that the binary on Barbie's computer works out to (what else?) "BarbieBarbie".

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Love is in the air this time of year, and even the die-hard single-by-choice geeky gals tend to glance around like zombies on the search for "Braaaa-ains!"

What's a single gal with geek-cred to do - short of tranq-ing a man and tying him up? 

In an effort to help advance the propagation of  geeks inheriting the planet, I wandered into the kitchen and interrupted a Wednesday night Deadlands game to interrogate the male populace sitting at my dining room table.   They tolerated it because a) it's my kitchen and b) my geek-mate and his friends know that my permission to play his beloved RPGs can (and will) be revoked if any "sass" is given to me.  (Don't worry, I have things he has to approve as well before I can play RPGs on my nights.  We really do work well together.)

This is the list they came up with of things that they'd love females to consider when chasing them:

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There have been various shoes out on the market that claim to help tone one's legs and whatnot.  However, I like sneakers better than clogs or flip flops, and most of the toning sneakers on the market have massive, massive soles.  Perfectly fine if you have average feet and are of average height.  Very awkward if you're tall and have big feet.  You kind of look like you're wading around on lifeboats from the Titanic.

So I wasn't about to spring for a pair of Lifeboat Shoes, but I wanted toning sneakers.  Enter Reebok's EasyTone line.  They come in about fifty colors and styles, and they don't have three inch thick soles.  I can actually feel like I'm not broadcasting the fact that "HI THESE ARE TONING SNEAKERS BECAUSE I WISH TO IMPROVE MY ASS."  I bought a pair.  They look good; a little nicer than the average sneaker, and so far, they feel great.  We'll have to see how my legs and butt feel (and look) in a few weeks to see if they actually live up to their claim, but I'm optimistic.  FitFlops did work; I just had style issues with them.  These Reeboks have fantastic arch support, if nothing else.  What do you think....two week State of the Butt addresses to find out if they live up to the hype?  Either way, they seem like great sneakers that I would've seriously considered purchasing even if I was looking for an average athletic shoe.

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Last night I babysat a friend's 10-year-old daughter at my house. I have two sons, no daughters, so my house is full of boy stuff. And kids get hard to entertain when they reach the tween years. She was kind of bored. She listened to her MP3 player, noodled around on my piano, pulled out some of my old toys and played with them.

I finished my evening chores and booted up World of Warcraft. She came over to watch. I was playing my shaman, doing a quest where I had to identify traitors in a keep. I have this orb I can use to find the traitors. Wouldn't it be nice to have an orb like that in real life? After I find a traitor, guess what I do? KILL him, of course!

The friend's daughter watched with mild interest as I executed my McCarthyist mission. Then I shifted my character into wolf form, and she perked up. "Whoa! How did you do that?" she asked. I showed her the ability. She asked if the class you choose to play affects what things you can change into. I said yes and told her the druid was the ultimate shapeshifting class. I logged in my druid and showed her how I could turn into a bear, a lion, or a bird that can actually fly. Then I showed her my shaman's ability to summon spirit wolves, and my priest's rideable white dragon.

Well, that was it. She wanted to play herself. I let her create a new character on my account. Originally, she wanted to make a druid, but there are only two races available for druids, tauren and night elves, and neither appealed to her much. Then she clicked on the blood elf and gasped, "She's so pretty!" Forget the druid--she wanted to be a blood elf! I steered her towards the hunter class because clearly she liked animals, and a hunter gets to choose any animal in the game to be her pet. "Do they use bows?" she asked. I said yes, they did, and apparently that was a selling point, because she decided on the hunter.

While the the WOW population is mostly male, the game has been very successful at luring in women gamers. A lot of the reason for that is that the game is social and cooperative. But Blizzard also gets a lot of mileage out of other details, like companion animal fantasy. I enjoy many aspects of the game, but there are two things in particular that really lift my spirits. One is summoning my shaman's wolves:

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When I was in graduate school, I wrote a paper concerning the effects of height in business and leadership as a whole.  People who are taller than average are more likely to be thought of as “responsible, mature, and intelligent.”  They’re more likely to be promoted and given raises than those of below average stature.  I thought that was an interesting fact, considering I’ve been of significantly above average height since I was aboutt twelve years old.

For those who don’t know, I’m twenty-four, thin, blue-eyed, blond, and about six feet tall. 

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There are many things we don't need in this universe.  PETA, cockroaches, middle school box socials in the front rows of movie theaters…but there are some things that deserve their own individual mention.  Thus, I have compiled a list.

 1.

Saw VI – The entire trailer is made in bad CGI!  Why….oh, why.  Oh, why must you ruin what I thought was an interesting (and completed) story arc?  Jigsaw, the cool and genius villain, is dead.  Very, very dead.  A lot.

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So here's a fun topic:  infidelity.  Now...most of us don't think that geek guys are the type to cheat.  After all, you'd think they'd be happy enough to find someone, much less someone who shares their interests  and experiences.  This knowledge makes us feel more secure in our relationships - which should include trust, anyway.

With or without trust, there's no need to be an idiot.  Being an idiot leads to a perfectly lovely geek lady turning down countless offers from countless painfully attractive suitors and wasting two years of her life seeing an apparently harmless, intelligent, though somewhat distant racecar driver turned rocket scientist only to find out after having thrown him out and taken him back once that he in fact has a fiancée and at least one other girlfriend a mere three weeks before his wedding day.  Not that I speak from experience, or anything.

Fortunately, this particular area is one in which geek ladies have several advantages over the general population.  One of the most important is that generally, geek women are far less catty toward other women and far more likely to team up with them.  Geek women are much more likely to place the blame where it belongs - on the cheating bastard - than start up a slap-fest with the other woman as though that's somehow going to change history.

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The mind, she boggles.  Spotted on woot! today:

Barbie: Voyage to Rados!  In which our intrepid heroine of many talents gets trapped in what looks like Seventies-era Doctor Who!  Perpetual smiles, high heels, and all!

And, per Amazon, it does seem to be an actual honest-to-goodness book. I know.  I'm surprised, too; I'd have put money on "elaborate hoax", myself.

I can't decide if I should run screaming, order a copy, or both.

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Attention, parents: have you seen the kind of child-rearing Pixel Chick confessed to in the Buffy vs. Edward post?  Time to correct some of that politically-correct nonsense... with "What Shall I Be?: The Board Game For Career Girls"!

Apparently they made two versions, in 1966 and 1976.  The 1966 one is irredeemably awful.  The 1976 version still has a lot of WTF?-ness, but I must admit I kinda like the icon of the woman attending college (right-hand column, middle picture):

 So retro-geeky!

The lawyer icon isn't bad, either.

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As this blog and site is basically dedicated to the female nerd and/or geek when I read through this article I felt that it was incredibly applicable to the audience we have here.

 FIREFOX NEWS: Women Read Comics, And Other Things You Never Knew
by: Merlin Missy

"Women like comics. Girls like comics. And science fiction. And fantasy. And action flicks. And dramas. And comedies. And sports. And Dungeons & Dragons. And WoW. And every other genre out there with the sole possible exception of whatever the hell genre Manswers qualifies as. The biggest football fan I ever knew was a female chemist I worked with in New Mexico. I was dragged into comics by the recommendations of a woman who alternates between considering Dick Grayson a woobie and wanting to jump his bones. "

[See full article through the above link.] 

The only issue I personally have with this article is that she states she is  long time Star Trek fan yet uses the word "Trekkie" to express that.  I've been a fan almost since I was born and I've always been told that the Olde Time Trek fans are referred to as "Trekkers".  But I digress.  That is for a completely different post entirely.

Amen, Merlin!

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It's starting.  Spouses, siblings, friends and parents are starting to eye you up.  Not for anything nefarious, or at least nothing more than the usual nefarious things they eye you up for, but because they're trying to figure out how to get you away from that computer and into a plane/train/automobile for some "vacation."  Now I don't know about you, but a week off of work with nothing but some good tunes, my cats and a brand new operating system to play with *is* vacation.  Ok, well, if I could manage not to have to deal with their litterbox it would be.  Unfortunately, the n00bs in my family just don't understand that the sun is trying to kill me!!  Or they're in on teh evil plot!

I'm not afraid to say that I'm an occasional reader of Cosmo, Vogue and very rarely Martha Stewart.  What?  I'm making sure I know what the other girls are thinking and yes, this is so that I don't completely make an ass of myself when out with non-geeks.  The one thing I notice, is that their penultimate travel guide never EVER has a single thing that I would bring with me.  Seriously, they don't even mention computers, cameras, and mp3 players.  Do they really expect me to leave all my tech at home?  You're kidding right?

So without any further ado, the geek girl's guide to travelling!!

I'm not really going to talk about clothing, because really I can barely dress myself let alone anyone else.  Besides, Cosmo, Vogue and all the rest have all that stuff already covered.  But!  If you're in need of new geeky shirts, my favorite place is Jinx and FBod Studios as they're just awesome and have something for the geek in all of us.  Seriously, though, clothing is usually not optional and you do want to remember some.

If you're like me and you have to have your computer pried away from your cold dead hands, this is just the thing.  Netbooks are all the rage right now, and with the introduction of HP and Dell into the market you can tell they're more than a fad.  These are perfect for travel as they're small, light and can easily fit into a purse or carry on bag.  They've got a 3 hour battery and with a price tag of $180 dollars for a brand new low end model, you really can't beat it.  Especially if you just need to indulge in your Facebook obsession and chat about the latest Star Trek Movie.

Now if you're like me, you'd love to have tunes at the beach but don't like sharing.  It's the way to block out the world, pretend that you're in your den of geek and forget all about that evil sun that's trying to do you harm.  These sunglasses are a great way to look cool and still have your tunes.  They're bluetooth enabled headphones, so totally wirefree and awesome looking, as long as your ipod or cell phone has bluetooth.  If you're strapped for cash , and who isn't right now, or don't have bluetooth enabled music there's also these cool looking sunglasses as well, though they have the mp3 player built into the glasses instead of bluetooth.  Still, a 1g mp3 player might be a better choice than of potential damage to the ipod.

 

 

Of course, if you're a bit old school like me and enjoy headphones with wires, or you're just anti-batteries, there's much love for skullcandy headphones.  These are the most comfortable headphones I've ever owned and I've owned plenty.  They have high fidelity headphones for every person, plus they come in awesome colors.  Hot pink?  Rastafarian stripes?  They have them, no doubt.  Plus?  My low end ink'd earbuds work a helluva lot better on an airplane than my 70 dollar noise reduction Sony headphones.  And starting at 19.95 for the ink'd they're a fantastic steal. (Actually, Amazon has several varieties of skullcandy earbuds (like those shown to the right) for $12.95 on sale. ~ the Manegement)

 

Cameras are another great thing for vacations.  If you're low on storage or going on that vacation of epic proportions you'll probably want to buy a new camera card, and if you have kids or really annoying family that just can't wait for you to upload your pictures an EYE-FI card is a great little gadget.  Retailing at $49.99 for the very basic 2G card, this little card allows your camera to upload it's photos on it's own.  The way it works, is that the Eye-Fi card has a small wireless device in the card, and if it can connect to the internet it'll upload your pictures.  If your home computer is on?  Well, then it'll go ahead and download your pictures from the Eye-FI servers, meaning that you have your pictures safely on your drive at home, away from accidental sunscreen damage.

Now that we've got our tunes, our camera, and our computer the question is, where the heck are we gonna put it all?  This is gonna sound a little controversial but bear with me here.  I have found the coolest thing ever for taking all the goodies on the plane.  You know those boxes that our sisters and moms carry?  You know the ones, that they swear by that have all their cosmetics and such?  They go by the usual name of vanity case.  They're usually hard cases and come with a nifty shoulder strap.  Well, the one thing that our moms and sisters failed to mention is that they've got a bunch of pockets and elastic straps to keep all their little bottles upright.  Well, we've got a bunch of wires and cords and small techy items that will fit perfectly in all those little things.  Plus my netbook fits perfectly into it and so all my geektastic fun is in one place and actually organized.

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For those of you late to this party, Comic Con is an enormous convention that is theoretically devoted to American comics, but that over the past ten-ish years has become the de facto Big Genre Convention.  Geek idol Joss Whedon is a confirmed devotee.  Cool stuff gets announced there.  Cool stuff gets premiered there.  And you can be around to watch!   Case in point: a musical episode of Batman: The Brave And Bold, with Neil Patrick Harris as the singing villain, is being shown on Friday this year.  I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Aw, hell yes!"

Now.  All this may be academic to those of you who haven't already bought tickets, because the entire con is now sold out. But, for those of you who've taken the plunge and are all abrim with nervous excitement... read on!

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How often has this happened to you?  You've decided you're buying something new.  You've been good, you deserve a little treat.  So you go down to the Best Buy (I totally only pick on them because they're the only ones left) and you're just overwhelmed.  There are all sorts of cameras.  Cameras that can do optical zoom and flashes and digital and what the heck is that megapixel thing for except that everyone says more is better?  You're confused and frustrated because dammit, you're an intelligent woman!  This really shouldn't be that hard!  Just as you're getting dizzy from all the choices, the salesperson swoops in. 

Ah, yes, you think.  He can totally help me find the perfect camera.  He shows you a lot of stuff and lists off things that you're pretty sure should be on the space shuttle not a little point and shoot camera that you can fit in your purse.  By the end of it, you have a camera that you're pretty sure fits absolutely none of your requirements, costs about double your price range but you were assured was absolutely essential.  Don't be embarrassed, it's happened to all of us.  All of us smart, shopping savvy women have been hoodwinked at least once in our lives.  None of us are really sure how it happens, but it does.  And usually?  It always seems to happen when it comes to tech.

How do you do that?  First is deciding what you need your tech to do.  Now, this doesn't mean you shouldn't buy tech you don't need.  Oh no, not at all.  I'm just saying that even something you want, needs to do things for you.  So instead of letting the device dictate how you use it, decide how you, the smart woman, want to use the device.  Let's take an example here.  Digital Audio Players.  You want a new one.  Now, what do you, yourself, need it to do?  Do you need it to be able to play iTunes songs?  Do you need it to work with Linux?  Do you have a bunch of songs from Walmart that you need to play?  Do you need to be able to put videos on it?  How much do you want to spend?  Does it need to be a certain color?  Yes, I'm being serious about the color because we are women, and we do like a certain sense of style and won't use it if it's ugly.  So finding something that does all your requirements but is butt ugly means that it doesn't fit all your requirements. 

The other thing is to ask questions.  Look up words and terms you don't understand.  Don't be afraid to say "ok, now seriously what exactly is a Megabyte and why do I care about it?"  My favorite friend is Google, but when you're looking at certain ubiquitous terms it can be annoying.  This site, geek.com, is like a geek dictionary.  The best part is that it's searchable.  So you can look up that term you don't understand and get an answer that's in English.  If you have a geek you can ask, go ahead and ask those terms.  Keep asking until you do understand.  I'm constantly asking my sister for clarification on fashion things because it's all over my head.  Geek shirts and jeans are my typical wardrobe.

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I recently became single again, after a 6 year relationship with a very nice, but not-so-good-for-me guy. I'd been ready to breakup for awhile before I actually did, and the breakup itself was amicable and pretty freaking healthy. So, I was ready to start dating again sooner than most people would be after a long term relationship. I wasn't looking for anything serious, but I did want to explore some facets of myself that I found out about during my relationship that I wasn't so sure I liked. How I related to men, how I expected men to relate to me, sex, love... all that fun stuff. I had just recently turned thirty, and this had been my first serious relationship. I wanted to have some fun, and learn a bit about myself and others in the process.

So, I went out with the stated intention of finding a guy. And boy howdy, did I ever. There are lots of guys out there that can scent "available" pheromones a mile away, and gravitate towards them like sharks scenting blood (an overused metaphor, I know, but so appropriate). I went to bars at first, and shockingly enough, I attracted alcoholic assholes. So, then I went to bookstores and libraries. Where I attracted needy, emotionally unstable creepy dudes. Grocery stores produced horny married men, fetish events produced (again, shockingly) men who were obsessed with a single part of my anatomy, book readings produced pretentious pricks who hadn't come out of the closet to themselves yet, and parks produced pot smoking hippies who lived in their vans.

So, I turned to the internet. Craigslist, to be precise. It wasn't out of desperation so much as the knowledge that if this didn't work I was either moving to Venezuela (where everybody knows the men are men) or switching teams.

I determined to go through others ads, not posting any of my own. Strangely enough, it worked very, very well for what I was looking for. I went out on a little over a dozen dates in the first month, and I had no bad experiences. There were one or two that required a little work on my part for me to have fun, and one that was annoying, but none that were at all traumatic. Which is saying ALOT in this world. All of my friends were amazed at my incredible luck in finding the few non-insane and creepy fish in the sea that is Craigslist. It wasn't luck, my friends. It was work. I went through countless ads, looking for the signs of non-crazy. It took time, perception, and a little bit of brilliance. And now, I share my brilliance with you.

First of all, I looked for ads that had no picture. This was because I found that when guys post a picture of themselves, it's generally going to be either truly unflattering, laughably narcissistic, or depressingly pathetic and therefore a total turnoff. I'm not sure why men seem to be incapable of figuring out which pictures don't make them seem creepy or gay, but there it is.

When I found one, I clicked on it to see if it had more than a small paragraph of text. If it didn't, I backed out, if it did, I read on.

I would then quickly scan the ad, looking for egregious grammatical and spelling errors. If there was more than one, I backed out. No major mistakes and I'd start looking at the actual content.

Content was important. A lot of the ads that passed initial muster and started off really great quickly devolved into what the guy actually thought. Generally, they'd start getting bad right about the point where he mentioned an ex, and I'd click the back button before I got too far into the explanation of why women are evil creatures who have nothing better to do than suck a man's soul and wallet dry but he's sure he'll find the single woman on the planet who's not like that soon and could you be her?

More danger signs to look for were mention of religious practices in the first paragraph, mention of children in the first paragraph, excessive listing of likes and dislikes, poetry, monetary status, type of car(s) or other toys, stated preference for body type of woman, hair color preference, and preferred sexual position anywhere in the ad, use of the term SWM, and use of pop culture references more than once.

Now, I have nothing against religion, children, poetry, wealth, or the knowledge that certain men are just attracted to certain things in women. But the placement of these preferences in an ad shows the importance they hold to this person. I wasn't interested in dating a religious person or someone who wanted kids. I also wasn't interested in dating a shallow or judgmental human being who was in the least bit race conscious. And poetry mostly annoys me when quoted at inappropriate moments. So those were danger signs for me. And most geeky women I know. They make excellent filters.

Positive items I'd look for were things like a knowledge of self shown by detailed description, honesty, hopefulness, a general happy feel to the words, enthusiasm, talk of friendships outside of dating, a concise description of hobbies, and a general description of what they were looking to get out of interacting with you. Good vocabulary was a plus, but not absolutely necessary. Spelling and grammar is one thing, but constant use of big words is not always a good thing.

Using these few filters, I met a group of men who were uniformly handsome, nice, gentlemanly, and all around good catches. Seriously. Not one of the guys I went on a date with was a troll, despite the fact that none of them put up pictures. There were only a few that I was actually attracted to, and only one that I was attracted enough to take home, but the initial filtering process ensured that I would at least have a good conversation with a nice guy.

Next week, adventures in POSTING an ad. Oh yes. Insanity to ensue.

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I offer the following as a metaphor for my Wolverine and Trek movie experience:

Just substitute awesome mutant movie for "pecan sandies" and Star Trek for "chocodials."

I grew up bonding with my dad watching episodes of the original Trek in the middle of the night well, WELL before the age of three (when I COULD NOT WAIT to see the first episode of Next Generation), so I think it's fair to say I've loved Star Trek my entire life.  I don't want to give anything away, but love it, love it, love it, love it.

And have re-kindled my serious crush on Spock.  I always loved him.  Always.  Young hot Spock would have about five nanoseconds to protest if left alone in a room with me.  Also, in J. J. Abrams' Trek universe, everyone is so hot that you will want to run up and lick the silver screen no matter who's your favorite.  Fortunately, I was able to control myself, which meant nearly slipping in my own drool when it ended.  My first to words to Circus Boy after the movie?  "We need to go to the lingerie store.  Immediately."  Followed later in the car by "Nevermind!  Home!  DRIVEDRIVEDRIVEDRIVE!"

She ain't just whistling Dixie, my friends.  Trekgasm, indeed. ~ Uberwench

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Saucy Saturday is a new feature at GeekaChicas, in which a brave Chica unleashes her sexy self and salty humor for the edification of us all. Saturdays will only be saucy when the mood strikes. ~ The Management 

I've always loved the idea of nerds. I've been attracted to them since I was a young teenager. Especially onscreen. They were the only fictitious characters I can remember being attracted to as a young'un. Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones, Jeff Goldblum in the Fly, Sam Neil in Jurassic Park, Matthew Broderick in War Games.

MmmMmmMmmmmm. Yummy. As a consequence, when I got to be a teenager, the people I developed crushes on were all nerds.

Brian, the web footed D&D nerd who introduced me to LARPs; Chris, the drugged out librarian boy I stalked amongst the shelves for two years; David, the HOT AS FUCK 6ft tall Taiwanese man who was the network engineer at my first computer job and who courted me with Badtz-Maru dolls; Mark, the beautiful red headed AutoCAD engineer who made my 17 year old heart dream of marriage and babies; Michael, the interior designer who was secretly a gun and history nerd; Nate, the chess guru who challenged my head and libido...

Every single one of these guys caught my eye right off the bat because they were quintessential NERDS. Smart, socially inept, shy, driven, fascinated by arcane subjects, capable of focusing intensely on whatever they were interested in.

I was completely fascinated by all of them. I could sit for hours and listen to them talk about their passions, and while sometimes it was a give and take, mostly it was them talking at me. I learned a lot from them, over the years.

But, inevitably, I'd fall out of fascination. I'd start to feel disappointed. I wasn't sure why, because they didn't change. They were still awesomely nerdy, sweet, shy... they were still all the things I was attracted to in the first place. But I always fell out of attraction with them, waiting for them to become something they were never going to be. I wasn't sure what that something was, but I knew I expected it of them. Well, over beers last night, I realized what that something was. We were talking about how stupid Superman's disguise was. Glasses. C'mon. Really?? Glasses on - mild mannered reporter. Glasses off - SUPERMAN!!! I got to thinking out loud about what that really says about how our society views glasses. What do glasses represent? Nerds. What do nerds represent? Inept, shy, clumsy, ineffective, and definitely not sexy.

Clark Kent was a nerd. But slip his glasses off, and suddenly you've got the strongest man in the world, packing something awful attractive in those bright red undies. Interesting.

Now, Indiana Jones. "Jonesy wasn't a nerd!" you might say. "He was an adventurer!" But really. Think about it. Indy was an archeology professor. He was completely socially inept. Yeah, he got the hot girls, but not through any real effort on his part. He was hyper focused, abrupt, impatient, very cerebral, and he wore a bow tie. That bow tie is what got me thinking. Because when does he wear a bow tie? In school. When he's in nerd mode. Indy's disguise is his bow tie. Take it off, and you've got a hot dude in a fedora and whip, ready to whisk you off on an insane adventure. So. My epiphany?

I'm always waiting for the nerds to take off the glasses and bow tie and whisk me away, knock me off my feet, kiss me crazy, and take me dancing in the air. Because that's what nerds DO!! Underneath every nerdly exterior is an adventurous hero beating his chest and waiting to ravish you. Right? RIGHT??? Wrong. And it's taken me till I'm in my thirties to realize this. Fuck you, Indiana Jones. Fuck you and your false expectation creations. I still love nerds. I'm still attracted to their beautiful brains. But I'm no longer looking for them to be something they're not. Now, if I want an adventurer, I'm more likely to go looking in REI than the local library. If I want a gorilla, I'll go to a sports game. If I want wonderful conversation and sensitive, emotional sex... I'll find a nerd. I can deal with that.

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Let me begin by saying that personally, I'm of the school of thought that there are always more fish in the sea.  I don't believe there is one person for everyone; I think there are various personality traits that give us a range of potential significant others that's a lot more targeted than "everybody."  I also think that one of the biggest problems women have when it comes to dating is that they're automatically inclined to search for a relationship.  I'm not saying I hate relationships.  They're plenty of fun.  But I do think that culturally, women have a harder time just having fun with casual dating.

I, on the other hand, have been very strongly conditioned toward casual dating.  Blame my mother; she wasn't all that fond of the idea of my having a serious boyfriend until I was in graduate school.  A man has to prove he's worth me giving up my other options.  That goes both ways, of course, and it continues throughout the relationship.   We're both actively choosing each other over anything else that may be available to us.

I know that a lot of people tell women that the best way to get into a relationship is to stop looking for one.  It seems ridiculous to some.  To others, it seems to be a commandment to avoid the opposite sex altogether until you've found The One (and I don't mean Keanu Reeves)[1].   To me, it meant that I should have fun.  It's great to go out to dinners with various men, see movies, ice skate, play video games, and so forth.  I always tried to keep things on a flirty/attracted yet casual level.  I was open about seeing other guys.  I've been called irresponsible for that.  I've been told that I'm being unfair and playing with men's hearts. 

Personally, I think that as long as I make the man aware of the situation, it's not my fault if he doesn't pay attention to what I'm saying.  I'm a fairly literal person.  I mean just about exactly what I say.  I don't like to read between lines; I think it's a waste of time.  In the geek dating world, this quality is often a huge plus.  On the other hand, if you're a geek who ends up dating a non-geek for some reason (and oh, it can be painful...because they can be so pretty, yet so....boring), it helps to realize that they are probably trying to read between lines and probably think that you are as well.

When it comes to casual dating, the biggest plus is that you get a much better understanding of the qualities you like without going through the hassle and heartbreak of serial monogamy.  I used to joke around that between the X guys I was dating, they made up one fantastic boyfriend with all their powers combined Captain Planet style.

Keep in mind what you notice about each guy.  Make note of what qualities you appreciate and do not appreciate - including appearance.  Yes, I know that most of us would like to claim that we only care about personality, but looks do matter on some level.  Also, it really is hard to say what qualities you like until you've actually interacted with them.  Trust me on that.  The kind of guy I want now versus the kind of guy I thought I wanted in high school are dramatically different.

I noticed that I had a tendency to go for the arrogant types...which really means that I like confidence.  A lot.  If a guy can pull off being cocky, I'm there in ten seconds flat.  Sadly, many geek men are lacking in this quality when it comes to the ladies, and I am epic fail at boosting anyone's self-esteem.  So there we go:  one chunk of geekdom eliminated.  Of course, I get bored if he's not intelligent, no matter how pretty he is, so that's a must. 

How did I learn these things?  Well, a lot of that would go back to those many stories from college, but long story short...no matter how intelligent or pretty a boy was, if he needed constant reassurance, I'd be sick of him within a month or two.  At the same time, no matter how confident and hot a guy was, if he had the IQ of an eggplant, I'd probably be sick of him within a month, max.

Some women can handle the reassurance factor, and if they can, more power to them.  I'm not sure I know of any geek women who would be able to tolerate a lack of intelligence however, so it's probably safe to put that somewhere in your "necessary" pile of traits.

Some of the worst words a man could ever speak:  "I don't read.  That's boring; it's all on TV anyway."

Oh...well....g2g, have to...alphabetize my Philip K. Dick novels....bye!

Of course, we ladies have it significantly better in the geek dating world than the men.  The ratio is in our favor, and we're guaranteed to be less boring than that chick over there who's holding a copy of Gravity's Rainbow upside down and trying to look like she knows what's going on.  Don't be afraid to take advantage, ladies!  Nature (or culture) has given us a substantial leg up...we can't be blamed for using it.  Everyone should be picky when it comes to serious relationships.  Geek ladies just have the opportunity to be picky earlier in the whole relationship-garnering process.  It makes life much, much easier, and considering that most of us already don't get along with non-geek women and find ourselves trying to navigate through a world with all kinds of weird unspoken signals largely alien to us, we should take every chance we get to lower our social stress level.

All of this leads up to Geek Dance Party Etiquette Commandments 1 and 2, though they are listed in no particular order.

#1:  Thou shalt not constantly worry about thine current romantic status, for if thou seekest The One too vigorously, there shall be great wailing and gnashing of teeth.

#2:  Thou shalt not avoid all contact with the gender of thine choice.

There's the lesson of the day, kids.  As I said before, feel free to bring up specific issues if you'd like.  Also, young hot Spock in the back row, please see me after class for some one-on-one tutoring.  Everyone else is dismissed.

[1] Henceforth, "The One" refers to an individual with whom one can maintain a serious commitment, not a one and only soul mate.

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