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It's Morbidly Delicious!

Posted by: Mv2.3

Tagged in: WTF , Humor , Horror , History

Mv2.3

The practice of burying the dead may date back 350000 years, as evidenced by a 45-foot-deep pit in Atapuerca, Spain, filled with the fossils of 27 hominids of the species Homo heidelbergensis, a possible ancestor of Neanderthals and modern humans.

 

There are at least 200 euphemisms for death, including "to be in Abraham's bosom," "just add maggots," and "sleep with the Tribbles" (a Star Trek favorite).

 

No American has died of old age since 1951. That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.

 

The trigger of death, in all cases, is lack of oxygen. Its decline may prompt muscle spasms, or the "agonal phase," from the Greek word agon, or contest.

 

So much for recycling: Burials in America deposit 827,060 gallons of embalming fluid—formaldehyde, methanol, and ethanol—into the soil each year. Cremation pumps dioxins, hydrochloric acid, sulfur dioxide, and carbon dioxide into the air. Alternatively, a Swedish company will freeze-dry your body in liquid nitrogen, pulverize it with high-frequency vibrations, and seal the resulting powder in a cornstarch coffin. They claim this "ecological burial" will decompose in 6 to 12 months.

 

Zoroastrians in India leave out the bodies of the dead to be consumed by vultures. The vultures are now dying off after eating cattle carcasses dosed with diclofenac, an anti-inflammatory used to relieve fever in livestock.

 

In Madagascar, families dig up the bones of dead relatives and parade them around the village in a ceremony called famadihana. The remains are then wrapped in a new shroud and reburied. The old shroud is given to a newly married, childless couple to cover the connubial bed.

 

During a railway expansion in Egypt in the 19th century, construction companies unearthed so many mummies that they used them as fuel for locomotives.

 

Well, yeah, there's a slight chance this could have backfired: English philosopher Francis Bacon, a founder of the scientific method, died in 1626 of pneumonia after stuffing a chicken with snow to see if cold would preserve it.

 

For organs to form during embryonic development, some cells must commit suicide. Without such programmed cell death, we would all be born with webbed feet, like ducks.

 

In 1907 a Massachusetts doctor conducted an experiment with a specially designed deathbed and reported that the human body lost 21 grams upon dying. This has been widely held as fact ever since. It's not.

 

In 19th-century Europe there was so much anecdotal evidence that living people were mistakenly declared dead that cadavers were laid out in "hospitals for the dead" while attendants awaited signs of putrefaction.

 

More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.



Read more:http://www.myspace.com/apocalypsegirl#ixzz0wGnyPC62

 


 

I'm not talking about Nicolas Cage's latest bid for movie immortality as the sorcerer who gets together with a cookie cutter twenty-ish student with the intent to train said cookie as an apprentice.  Trailers and commercials might lead you to believe that the true origins of this tale lie in the 1940 film "Fantasia".  Mickey Mouse dons his sorcerer-master's hat and causes all kinds of mischief involving walking brooms and lots of water to the music of Paul Dukas' symphonic poem.

 

The Sorcerer's Apprentice as a master-pupil story and as a cautionary tale is a good deal older than either of these film interpretations.  Before Dukas was inspired by the story in 1897, Johann Wolfgang Goethe wrote  Der Zauberlehrling a century earlier, channeling generations of the story as it was told throughout the German-speaking world.

 

Leaving his apprentice with a list of chores as long as the Rhine River itself, the sorcerer departs his workshop.  One of these chores is to refill the castle's water supply by trudging up and down a set of steep stone steps to the Rhine, carrying river water back in a bucket.  The apprentice is sick to death of carrying water and decides to implement the magic in which he is not yet fully trained.  He animates a broom and after a crash course in the river relay, he sends the broom to do his work.  One thing leads to another, and by the time the apprentice wakes from a nap, the broom is flooding the castle with no sign of stopping.  In a frenzy, the apprentice grabs an ax and smashes the broom to pieces--only each individual piece becomes an enchanted broom and the cycle begins again.  Finally, the sorcerer returns and breaks the spell.  Instead of kicking the apprentice out of the castle, the sorcerer imparts the lesson that this magic should only be worked by a fully trained sorcerer, and the apprentice sees he has much work ahead of him.

 

This story in a basic form is found throughout European folklore.  The powers that be at Disney (which at that time would have included Walt Disney himself) did not simply pull the tale out of thin air.  Medieval hausfraus and Renaissance child care are responsible for the story enduring through the centuries to the point where we can try and spot the threads of the original tale through the summer blockbuster morass.

 

Taking folklore and twisting it into a spell of a movie--now that would be real magic! 

 


Mega History Action Figures!!

Posted by: Beatrice Blythe

Tagged in: Video , Humor , History , Feminism

Beatrice Blythe

 

Folks, you know you want your own Brontësaurus.  Seriously.

 

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this video

 

Now I'm thinking of other Feminist Mega History Action Figures that I want. Queen Elizabeth I.  Her enormous outfits could hide all sorts of weaponry and gadgets.  Amelia Earhart.  She'd have her own plane for mowing down enemies of all sorts.   Who else?

 

Oh look!  It seems that Marie Antoinette already has one.   Complete with weaponized ejecting head, no less.  Awesome!

 

 


 

I've been working with the character of Thor, the Norse god of thunder and lightning, for years. Years of research and reading and false starts and conversations in the dark with the ceiling that resulted in terrible stories and drafts while I struggled to pinpoint what was there. Years of trying to understand what was at the heart of this god, who was so loved by his people, honored even in many ways above Odin the All-Father. Loved so much, even now, that he was re-imagined and transported into the medium of the comic book for the modern world. Thor, who we will soon be over-saturated by, in the quest for world domination and movie marketing schemes. Hollywood always knows how to run a good man into the ground. But for myself, I'm hoping they do him justice, because after years of trying to find the answer of this god's character, this god's essence, this god's spirit within the scraps of mythology we're given, he became my most favorite of all mythological heroes. (Theseus may be coming in at a close second, but don't tell Thor. I think he'd be hurt, after all our time together.)

 


I think that there was a very good reason that Thor was the preferred god of the everyman, and I don't think that it was because he was stupid, or because he was always getting into brawls and slaughtering giants, or because he was often drunk on mead and loved to feast with the best of us. I don't even think it was because he cross-dressed, although Mimzy tells that story better than I've ever heard it before. I think the reason Thor was so beloved was because he always helped his people. Thor was the god that could be depended on, no matter what had happened, to go out and do what had to be done-- whether that was beating down on Loki, or killing off giants, or drinking a ton of mead, or dressing up as a woman. Thor was intensely loyal, unwavering, and good.

 


That's not to say he couldn't be led off track every so often. Loki makes this perfectly clear in all the stories where they travel together to accomplish some task, or just for the sake of getting out and about. Perhaps Thor is trusting to a fault. Certainly he doesn't seem to take to deception very easily when he's forced to employ its arts. He's not at all like Loki in that way. He'd much rather bust down the door and employ a frontal assault, even if he can't win. And that in itself is something admirable, too-- it's one of the things that I, as a woman, have always respected in those men who also share that characteristic. The men who throw their punches and then shake it off, and buy one another a drink afterward.


Star Wars: The 10th-century Icelandic saga

Posted by: Nightsky

Tagged in: WTF , Websites and Blogs , Star Wars , Humor , History

Nightsky

 

Amalia the Savage, this one's for you.

 

Star Wars considered as an Old Norse epic.

 

 Encouraged by the positive reception the above introduction received, the acclaimed scholar behind the effort is translating the saga and making it available online:

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

RSS feed here.

 

(Via Making Light.)


Being a Hero Sucks!

Posted by: Amalia The Savage

Tagged in: History , Editorial

Amalia The Savage

 

It seems that no matter what mythology we find them in, being a hero is the crappiest of all lives to live. Maybe if you're a demigod and particularly lucky, you'll end up not entirely dead, but for the most part being a hero means one thing: years and years of struggle, conflict, and death defying acts of courage to be repaid with some kind of betrayal and a really pathetic and ignoble death. Let's start with the men, shall we? The most classic of heroes!

 

Three Case Studies:


Theseus
Son of Poseidon and King of Athens, Theseus fights his way through monsters as a young man when his trip to Athens takes him by the six entrances to the Underworld. Once in Athens and recognized by his other father, he defeats the minotaur, freeing his people from paying tribute, in lives, to Crete. He takes the amazon queen for his wife (he kind of has a history of womanizing). He battles centaurs. He travels with Pirithous to the underworld and comes back again! When he gets back he goes into retirement. Why not, right? He's had a long and busy life, and after a trip to the underworld, he probably isn't interested in continuing to push his luck. He makes arrangements with a King friend of his to move back to the country island lands of his ancestors. When he gets there, he's either betrayed and pushed off a cliff, or, worse, he slips and falls on his own. To his death.


Lame Factor: 4 (out of five) if he was pushed. 5 if he fell. But 3 if someone can find me proof or hearsay that Poseidon rescued his immortal self and turned him into a god.


Conspiracy Theorist Logic 101

Posted by: Pearce

Pearce

 

I am annoyed.  There is far too much idiocy on the Internet.  No, this isn't anything new or surprising, but sometimes I run across so much idiocy on a single subject that I feel the need to beat some sense into everyone.  Of course, since this is the Internet, I can't.

 

 But if you're free to put your claims out there, I'm free to bitch about their inaccuracy and lack of logical insight.

 

I'm not going to provide any links because I don't want to give these particular sites any more traffic, but lately I've run across a boatload of articles about the brainwashing conspiracies behind Disney, pop music, and so forth...all backed by either the Illuminati or the Freemasons.  For some reason, people who write this sort of thing think the two names can be used interchangeably.  Probably because they're so busy trying to keep their kids from watching the Lion King that they can't be bothered to open a book or perform a Google search.

 

Just to show the Internet how incredibly easy it is to find basic facts, I will now direct you to the first link that shows up when I Google each of these terms.

 

Illuminati 

 

Freemason 

 

All of that effort, including the effort of putting the links into this piece, took me less than sixty seconds.  While Wikipedia is often a questionable source, it still illustrates my point:  this information isn't all that hard to come across.   The words "Illuminati" and "Freemason" should not be used interchangeably simply for the purposes of accuracy (and credibility, if you're going to go around claiming that we're all being brainwashed by Tuna Helper, or whatever). 

 

If you're not offended enough yet, just wait.  There's more. 


I Don't Know What's Real

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: Movies , Horror , History

Pearce

 

 
Also Known As:  Thoughts on Shutter Island
 
 

 

 

There wasn't really any way for Shutter Island to suck in my eyes.  Sorry, but it just couldn't.  It had far too many of the automatic movie love elements, although I wouldn't have minded a little eye candy - Leo doesn't do it for me.  Still, a ton of important elements were there:

 

  • Insane asylum - check.
  • Insane people - check (well, that's kind of a given).
  • Bending of reality - check.
  •  Evil psychiatrists - check.
  • Tiny details that become quite important - check.
  • An ending I didn't predict within the first five minutes - check.
 
 
Honestly, throw Leo Insanein some Robert Downey Jr. and a couple explosions, and I'd camp out in that theater.

 

 

 

 

 

SPOILERS


London in Shakespeare's Footsteps

Posted by: Miss History

Tagged in: Tributes , History

Miss History

 

 

London. One of the most infamous, historic cities in the world. Visited by thousands and thousands of tourists every year. It has its attractions that we all know: The Tower, St Pauls Cathedral, the London Eye. But you're planning a trip and you've already trodden the well-worn tourist path and you want something different. But what?

 

Might I offer a suggestion? Despite the twin ravages of the Great Fire and the Blitz there are several remainders of London's past, little gems hidden off the beaten track. So how about walking in the steps of William Shakespeare and spending a day looking at the few remaining places where we know Shakespeare actually performed, visited or worshipped? Here are five places where you might begin such an odyssey.

 

Middle Temple HallMiddle Temple Hall - Situated in the Temple complex just off of Fleet Street, which is almost like an old village located in the very heart of London. Middle Temple Hall is the ceremonial hall of the Inns of Court and has been for many centuries. And Shakespeare has been here. Definitely. How do we know? Well, the first ever performance of Twelfth Night was here on 2nd February 1602. Visiting times can be odd. It's closed throughout August when the Courts are out of session but it generally open the rest of the year unless being used for a function. I'm told that the best time to go is between 10am and 12pm. Worth a visit for the history, and the gorgeous hammerbeam ceiling.

 

St Helen's Bishopsgate - Situated just off Bishopgate, close to Liverpool Street Station, St St Helen's BishopsgateHelen's is one of only eight medieval churches to survive the Great Fire of London. It's unusual because it has a double nave, owing to its previous incarnation as part of a nunnery. It has an unusual feature, a Nun's peephole from where sick nuns could watch the Elevation of the Host and stack up heaven points. But what has this got to do with Shakespeare? Well, he appears on the parish roles for this church in 1597 meaning he lived locally and this was the parish church that he attended. The church is generally open on weekdays, go round to the side office and knock and someone will let you in. Worth a visit for the many fine Medieval and Reformation era monuments.

 

St John's Gate, Clerkenwell - Situated just outside the City of London in Clerkenwell, St St John's GateJohn's Gate is the 15th Century Gatehouse into what was the Priory of St John, the home of the Knights Hospitaliers. The priory was partially destroyed in the Peasants Revolt of 1381 and then dissolved at the Reformation. And the Shakespearian connection? Well, during the reigns of Queen Elizabeth I and King James I the gatehouse was the home to the office of the Master of the Revels. That means that every time Shakespeare finished a new play he had to bring it here, to St John's Gate, to get it licensed for performance so we know he must have visited many, many times. Worth visiting because we know  that at some time in the early 1600s Shakespeare must have walked up to that very gate with a certain sense of trepidation, clutching the manuscript of Hamlet.

 

The George Inn, Southwark - Please indulge me here with my one teeny cheat. The George, situated on Borough High Street in Southwark, is the only remaining example of a The George Inngalleried inn in London. Before the construction of specialised playhouses, players would have performed in the courtyards of such buildings, the audience gathered upon the balconies. They might also have performed at inns during their winter lay off, when the playhouses were closed. So, while this version of The George was rebuilt after fire in the 17th century, we know Shakespeare went to the original George Inn. Worth a visit because it gives us an idea of the kind of place that our Will would have socialised after a performance.

 

Southwark Cathedral - situated close to London Bridge, Southwark Cathedral is one of Southwark Cathedral the oldest church buildings in London. Upgraded to a cathedral in 1905, in Shakespeare's time it was St Saviours, another former priory church. Not as famous as its Wren-designed cousin across the Thames, Southwark Cathedral is a hidden gem. The church was considered to be the Player's Church owing to its location on Bankside, close to the playhouses. And Shakespeare? It was more than likely his parish church at certain periods in his London life and it has one sad connection. Will's brother, Edmund, followed him to London and onto the stage but his career was short lived, he succumbed to the plague in 1607. Unusually, his funeral was held in the morning when traditionally they were held of an afternoon. The reason for the change? Plays were always performed at two in the afternoon so an exception was made so the players could attend the funeral. There is a monument to Shakespeare and a stained glass window featuring many of his characters in the church. Worth a visit for the beauty of the building and the knowledge that on New Year's Eve, 1607, Shakespeare sat mourning his younger brother here.

 

And there you are, five places where you can walk in the steps of Shakespeare.

 

During the summer months you might want to wrap up your day by taking in a play at the reconstructed Globe Theatre on the South Bank or by visiting the Exhibition there.  And if you have another day to spare how about a trip to Hampton Court where Macbeth had its very first performance before King James I in 1606?


 

Here we are at the heart of the true Geek spirit, the Internet. What tends to distinguish geeks from the rest of the general population is our desire to learn things and know stuff when no one is forcing us to do so.  But how that spirit finds expression in the vastness of the Internet is another matter entirely.

 

It is often, as they say in 'net vernacular, kind of wack. Odd. I'm always excited to find new bits of engaging entertainment on the 'net that are also subversively informative. No one is forcing anyone to learn about the things they really need to know to make their way in the world, but it's out there, if you can find it, and a lot of the stuff produced by geeksmanages to be both smart and fun.

 

So, in that spirit, here is the awesome, relatively new video from EconStories on Youtube (via BoingBoing):

 

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this video

 

I hope they do more of these!

 

 

 


 

Remember that show, My Two Dads?



Not really an original theme. For instance: Theseus has two fathers. And he isn't the only Greek (and when I say Greek, I also mean Roman) Hero suffering from a redundancy of dads.



To understand this, maybe I need to go into the philosophy a little bit. You see, back in the day, men in their infinite wisdom (a la Aristotle) operated under the common misconception that women really weren't more than just an oven. The sperm did all the work of making a baby, and the wife contributed little if nothing at all to the resulting offspring, other than providing the space for incubation. Semen was the provider of all...well, they didn't really consider it genetic material then, so lets say life-forming matter or spirit. As a result of this understanding if a woman had intercourse with two men in the same day, or the same night, the child born was believed to be a mix of those two men--fathered by both.



In Greek Myth and History we see the Dual-Dad syndrome in children born of the gods, pretty exclusively as far as I know, which is convenient because it relieves them of the burden of being illegitimate heirs. I have to admit, I'm not exactly sure what the lot of an illegitimate child was, but the fact that the children are labeled as such in works like The Iliad leads me to believe that they were probably not given the privileges of their legitimate brothers and sisters. Certainly Hera had no love for Zeus's bastard children, and legitimacy seems at the very least to be required of one who will inherit any kind of land, wealth, or kingdom.


Fairy Tales and Greek Myths

Posted by: Amalia The Savage

Tagged in: History , Editorial , Books

Amalia The Savage

 

My friends, Santa Claus saw fit to gift me with the flu this holiday season. Christmas day I was struck down with the mung, and as a result all my holiday plans were canceled. Needless to say, I had plenty of time to catch up on my reading, from Icelandic Sagas to Greek Myths to Grimm's Fairy Tales. Whether you find this a gift or a curse for your reading pleasure today is another story, but hopefully my ah HA! moment can be your food for thought.

 


We're all familiar, of course, with the basic fairy tales. Most of us are probably far more accustomed to the Disney versions, which while they preserve something of the story, sometimes miss a bit of the meat and all of the horror--you'll never see a Disney movie about "The Maiden Without Hands." Thankfully, I have a copy of The Complete Fairy Tales of the Brothers Grimm, Translated by Jack Zipes (Bantam, 1992), from which to refresh your memories of the important bits for the purposes of this post.



I'd like to start with an excerpt from the fairy tale of Brier Rose AKA Sleeping Beauty.

 

[...] the queen gave birth to a girl who was so beautiful that the king was overjoyed and decided to hold a great feast. Not only did he invite his relatives, friends, and acquaintances, but also the wise women, in the hope that they would be generous and kind to his daughter. There were thirteen wise women in his kingdom, but he had only twelve golden plates from which they could eat. Therefore, one of them had to remain home.

[...] When eleven of them had offered their gifts, the thirteenth suddenly entered the hall. She wanted to get revenge for not having been invited, and without greeting anyone or looking around, she cried out with a loud voice, "In her fifteenth year the princess shall prick herself with a spindle and fall down dead!"

 

And maybe we should throw in an excerpt from Snow White as well? Just to make it interesting. Same edition.

She had a magic mirror and often she stood in front of it, looked at herself, and said:"Mirror, mirror, on the wall,
who in this realm is the fairest of all?"
Then the mirror would answer:"You, my queen, are the fairest of all."
That reply would make her content, for she knew the mirror always told the truth.


A Geeky Norse Mythology Moment

Posted by: Amalia The Savage

Tagged in: History , Editorial

Amalia The Savage

 

One of the things I love about Norse Mythology, is that it's so piecemeal. That seems kind of a weird thing to say, but just stay with me for a minute.



What we have of Norse Mythology are remnants passed down through oral tradition, and not put down on paper until after 1100AD (as late as 1200-1300 in some cases), in the Eddas and sagas. We have no written record before this time, and the dates are not exactly during the Viking glory days, but more toward the end of the era. These facts were not the only serious factors which influenced these sagas and stories about the gods as they were finally written.



For starters, one of our greatest sources for Norse Mythology was written by Snorri Sturluson (around 1200 AD). He's attributed with writing the Prose Edda which contains a very coherent account of the Norse gods, the creation of the(ir) world, and its destruction. But Snorri himself is clearly looking at the stories of the gods which he's transcribing as MYTHS surrounding actual men who may have lived, not as truths of living gods. Not to say that he was wrong, but this context is certainly something that should be taken into account when reading. Snorri's Christian viewpoint may certainly have corrupted the stories, even if the fact that he was writing about them on the way out, didn't.

 

This Euhemerization of the gods is not unique just to Snorri's transcription of the Norse gods, either. Why? Because the year was 1200 Anno Domini and Christianity had become pervasive. The Christian worldview of One True God was impossible to avoid completely. We have to take into account, when reading these sources, that either the writers of the Sagas were influenced by Christianity themselves, as believers, or that in order to justify and preserve the mythology they believed, they had to make it fit inside the Christian world, by making the gods into men, instead of immortals and creators with power in their own right. (And the fact that the gods are sustained only by Golden Apples, and not their own power, could be seen as evidence of this too--Are these Golden Apples stolen power from another God? from THE God?)

 

Well, 2012 has hit theaters, and by now I'm sure half the world is spazzing out over whether or not John Cusack and everyone else is going to die when the Mayan calendar runs out.

 

Because "THE MAYANS WARNED US!"

 

Okay, the Mayans did caution us about something (maybe), but fiery apocalypse of doom bears absolutely no resemblance to that something.

 

The Mayan Long Count calendar (they kept more than one) ends on 12/21/12.  For some reason, everyone assumes that the reason the Mayans stopped there is because the world will also end, so there's really no point in continuing a calendar after that date.  After all, they'd spent all that time mapping out the days until this arbitrary number, and clearly they didn't just get bored with this project and decide to all go sacrifice some hearts on pyramids instead.

 

 

Here's what the Mayans actually thought, as far as we can figure out:

 


 

This may come as a surprise, given the recent deluge of Classical content in my posts, but I'm absolutely obsessed with Norse Mythology. Obsessed. Granted, this might have more to do with Thor (and Marvel's latest takes on his character--Ultimate Thor makes my knees weak!) than it does with the rest of the mythology, but the fact remains that the history, myths, and culture of the Vikings and Norsemen is beyond cool.

 

Of course, the sources for all this Viking goodness are unfortunately written in a language that is not my first. Sure, I could go pick up translations, but if there is one thing I've learned studying Classics, it's that translations are incredibly variable, and the best answer whenever possible is to read things the way they were written originally! Get as close to the original sources as possible, and have a field day.

 

My friends and readers, I present you with a gift. Thanks to the internet and what I'm sure is a brilliant marketing scheme to increase tourism to Iceland, you can now learn the language of the Norse Sagas! That's right! You, too, can learn Icelandic, FOR FREE, online!


 

Today is the last day to push your wordcount past 50,000 words to join the ranks of NaNoWriMo Winners! A few words of advice before we hit the final letters for the Not-Yet-Of Troy series!

1) Double check and make sure your timezone is correct! Because of daylight savings, you might be an hour ahead of yourself if you didn't correct your timezone after you started! This could mean that instead of having until midnight to verify, you only get until 11pm. Which leads me to my next point--

2) Verify EARLY! Do everything in your power to get yourself verified before 11pm local (or earlier if you can swing it!). The Word Counter for the NaNoWriMo site may shave some wordage off your word processor's count, and you will want time to be able to recoup those numbers before midnight! Also, there is usually a rush to validate at the last minute which slows down the site-- don't let yourself be timed out and lose the win after all your hard work!

3) Pat yourself on the back for making it this far! Whether you got to 50K or not, you answered the challenge to write a novel, and that's something to be proud of. If you didn't quite make it to 50K this year, you can always try again  next November! And I hear that NaNoWriMo is trying to put together a year round program, too--assuming they make their donation goals.

 

(Previous Letters: Helen to Pollux, Pollux to Helen, Letters from the Kings, Helen to Theseus, Theseus to Helen, Letters Between Theseus and Pirithous, Letters Between Helen and Menelaus.)

 

Now, the last letters-- From Theseus to Helen, and from Helen to Pollux.


Previous Letters: Helen to Pollux, Pollux to Helen, Letters from the Kings, Helen to Theseus, Theseus to Helen, Letters between Theseus and Pirithous.

 

When I began writing Helen, I was certain that she loved Menelaus. Part of the history and the myth is that Menelaus and Agamemnon spent some time in Sparta/Lacedaemon during their youth, after a usurper took the throne of Mycenae. Tyndareus helped them to reclaim it. Later, Tyndareus marries both his daughters to these Sons of Atreus-- Helen to Menelaus, and Clytemnestra to Agamemnon-- which made me wonder exactly what kind of relationship Tyndareus had with these men.

 


Was it just that Agamemnon was so powerful a neighbor? Or could it have been something more? A relationship between Tyndareus and these orphaned boys that was like a father to his sons? And if Tyndareus cared for them, brought them into his home, helped them to reclaim their own city, might not Menelaus and Agamemnon have had relationships with Tyndareus's children too? That would certainly have an affect on any marriages arranged, and I was certain that Helen must have been relieved, even pleased, to be married to a man who had been a friend and brother to her in her youth, rather than some stranger twice her age who only wanted her for her beauty.


Unless of course there was some mitigating factor-- like a foreknowledge of what was coming. If Helen knew that marrying Menelaus would result in such a terrible war, how would that affect her relationship to him? And if Tyndareus loved Menelaus as a son, would he listen to the warning Helen brought him? Helen, just a girl, and with only dreams to back up her argument, probably would not have swayed her father if he was determined to make Menelaus his son in marriage as well as friendship.  This is the warning Helen gives Theseus in the earlier letters, telling him that if he wants her as his bride, he must act immediately, and ultimately I believe it is what convinces him to abduct her, though he could not have known who Helen was meant for.


But Menelaus knew. And watching Helen become friendly with Theseus, a son of Poseidon, and a great hero, could not have been easy on his ego. Menelaus was not a king, nor could he claim any divine heritage. He was just a man. And in comparison and competition with Theseus, how confident could he really be about his chances?


 

Previous Letters:

Helen to Pollux, Pollux to Helen, Letters from the Kings, Helen to Theseus, Theseus to Helen.

 

Theseus has his own very rich mythology. His own challenges and adventures. He is in many ways the Athenian version of Heracles, right down to his divine heritage and the trials he faces. A parallel hero.  I hadn't realized at all until I started doing the research that Heracles and Theseus were contemporaries and were known to team up, nevermind that they were also contemporaries (relatively speaking) of Helen.

 

There's so little source material for his abduction of Helen (and it varies widely). Just a line here or there that he made off with her, and then her brothers took her back. It's almost an absentminded recollection. "Oh yeah, well, you know Theseus, always making off with some pretty girl or another, it's hardly worth noting. And there was no lasting harm." Of course, that's the greatest place to start when you want to write fiction-- finding something that hasn't really been explored in great detail, and seeing where it leads. It was the perfect opening!

 

Neither Theseus nor Heracles made it to the Trojan War, but they almost certainly witnessed the events leading up to that point... Well, witness maybe is too strong a word. Theseus was trapped in the underworld for a while, and Heracles had to go fish him out. Both of them, however, had sons who fought against Troy.

 

So who is this Pirithous? He's a fellow Demi-god and king. A son of Zeus! By all appearances, he's one of Theseus's closest friends. Close enough that when Pirithous proposed a trip to Hades to kidnap Persephone, Theseus had no qualms about helping him out. To repay a similar kindness, perhaps?


 

To change things up, I'm starting with the letter today! (previous letters: Helen to Pollux, Pollux to Helen, Letters From the Kings, Helen to Theseus)

 

Lovely Helen,

With all my being I struggle between granting you this gift, granting myself this gift, and doing what must be done for the good of my people. What you ask may well provoke a war, and though I confess to wanting you for my own, I would not wish to betray the trust of my people this way.

Helen, you are but a child yet. If your father does not heed your warnings, perhaps it is with good reason. Perhaps he has information which you are not privy to? Your brothers, too, are good men. If they believed you to be in the path of harm, nothing would stop them from protecting you with all their strength.


I do not know what causes you such anxiety for your kinsmen, but I am keen to listen. While I can not promise to give you what you ask, I would meet with you and hear your concerns. If your reason is sound, I will not dismiss it, Helen. That much I can and will  promise you, whether or not you become my wife.

If it is to be done, it is best done in secret. You may trust I will reveal your request to no one, though if your worries are founded on any truth I can present to Tyndareus upon your behalf, I would be happy to do so. Only a fool would refuse to listen to his equal in rank and dignity.


Your Servant,
Theseus, King of Athens


 

Missed one? In order: Helen to Pollux, Pollux to Helen, Letters from the Kings.

 

In working with the myths surrounding the Trojan War, there are some definite challenges. For starters, no two accounts of Helen's life and story are the same. This also applies to Theseus, Paris, Menelaus, Agamemnon, and every other major player within the story. The reason for this is that these myths come from an oral tradition, and over time it would have been natural for them to shift and alter slightly between regions. People from Athens would talk Theseus up, because he was one of their founding fathers. People from Sparta might want to portray Helen as stolen, rather than an adulteress, to save her honor. They also might make Paris out as a coward, to emphasize his dishonor.

 

The sources we have available to us today can't even agree on the reason for the start of the Trojan War. There's the story of the goddesses, Athena, Hera, and Aphrodite, competing for the title of "Fairest" with Paris as the judge, and at first glance, it seems like the simplest answer. Paris chose Aphrodite, and she gave him Helen as a prize, offending the other two goddesses and causing them to turn against Troy-- of course there was the little matter of Helen already being married to Menelaus, and he would have to go get her, but Aphrodite had no problem assisting him with that or making it sound like a good idea.

 

If you continue reading, there are other forces at work behind the goddesses and their vanity. According to Hesiod and the Cypria Fragments, the entire war was planned by Zeus as a way to destroy the race of demi-gods (children of the gods with mortals) and lighten the earth of men. Now, historically, not long after the rough dates we have for the Trojan War, the Mycenaean empire collapsed. Isn't it convenient then, that the Greeks had a myth to explain the widespread destruction that cast them back into a dark age?

 

Personally, I find the contradicting accounts and stories to be exciting and interesting. For my writing purposes, it allows me to sift through the different pieces and put it all together in a unique way. It gives me a lot of freedom to work. Creative license, if you will. Which brings us to today's letter from Helen to Theseus.


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