It's a shame that Splice is being marketed the way it's been.  Based on the trailers I've seen, it looks like a horror movie.  It's not.  It's actually fairly thought-provoking.  I enjoyed it, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was more than some freaky thing escaping from a lab and running around eating people.

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My friends, if you do not know it by now, I am a fan of Thor. So imagine the level of geeking out that just took place in my home when I saw that the FIRST Thor still had been released of Chris Hemsworth in costume!

Guys. This movie could make all my dreams come true. They have already hit it out of the park in the adaptation of Thor's costume from what this picture shows us.  I'm eagerly awaiting further stills and news!

But what are your feelings on the forthcoming film? Thor: Hoping to Love, or Fearing You'll Hate?

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Humanity was wiped out 10 years ago, and 2, 4, and 5 were dragged off by a giant brain machine traveling northeast at 75 kilometers per hour.  If 9 and 7 are running from a beast machine traveling north at 85 kilometers per hour, at what time will 1 realize that being a pansy is not the answer and that 6 can help 9 find the Misguided Scientist's fractured mind to save humanity by making it rain split pieces of soul on them hoes?  (20 pts.)

I enjoyed the Tim-Burton-produced 9, which managed to be original and free of the "Look!  I'm Tim Burton!  Watch me play 'art!'"  At the same time, I couldn't help but stare blankly at the rolling credits with the aforementioned final exam question of doom floating through my head.

 Set in a post-apocalyptic world where humans are apparently non-existent, at first, the setting of 9 appears to have been spawned by Terminator:  Salvation.  After a bit of convenient exposition, however, the viewer is told that the "Brain" machine that started the mess was originally intended to be intelligent and to build new versions of itself for "peace."  Unfortunately for humanity, what can only be described as a poorly-veiled version of Hitler decided to use the Brain for world domination.  Politics and science of course equaled disaster, and presumably not-Hitler and his ilk were wiped out after placing all the blame on Misguided Scientist. 

The movie was visually fantastic and quite entertaining, if a bit confusing.  The DVD did make the original short film available, and the original idea was changed a bit too much in the translation to full-length film, in my opinion. 

(SPOILERS FOLLOW) 

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Last summer, I found myself in an unusual place for a geek: in possession of the season's hot ticket.  Yes, I am referring the RSC's totally sci-fi* Hamlet, with David Tennant as the Melancholy Dane, and Patrick Stewart as King Claudius (and, helmeted and be-bearded, as King Hamlet Sr.). 

The RSC knew a good thing when they had one, and promptly committed it to celluloid.  It's already out on DVD in the UK, and will be shown on PBS sometime during 2010.  This is a good thing, because it's--among its other virtues--a very accessible production, and everyone should totally check it out.

 Read on for my review of the original stage production.  Word has it that the film version is pretty darned similar.

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I had to go see Pandorum.  Sure, the release date was moved around time and time again, but the trailer had all kinds of things to interest me – outer space, some kind of scary thing, possible insanity, and so forth.

The beginning premise is fairly simple.  Earth is overpopulated; we’re all gonna die; we found another planet that can support human life; this ship is our last chance at the survival of the human race.  No pressure, or anything.

I will say that the very beginning part of it was terrifying to me.  And I don’t mean that in the horror movie sense – I’d compare it to the first time I saw Alien on the big screen.  It’s dark.  Technology isn’t stylized or pretty.  You know something bad is happening, but you don’t know what it is or how bad it is.  And when I saw the theater re-release of Alien, I’d already seen the movie on DVD, so it wasn’t like I didn’t know what was coming.  This time, I wasn’t so sure.  So yes, Pandorum starts out with a very Alien feel, which I enjoyed.  That sort of cinematic touch is missing from most science fiction films that have been released in the past handful of years.

SOME SPOILERS FOLLOW

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District 9.  Where to begin?  I suppose by emphasizing that I had very, very high expectations for this film despite the fact that it was the writer/director’s first full-length feature.  I’m not a huge fan of Peter Jackson, but I even go so far as to tip my hat to him for producing the film.

District 9 is a visual and auditory infusion of pure, unadulterated awesome.  Although I generally enjoy most movies (even awesomely bad ones…for their badness), it’s very, very difficult for a film to impress me on this level…especially when I’ve fallen in love with the marketing tactics and the teaser trailer and heard nothing but good things about the man behind it.  I saw Cloverfield simply because I liked the way it was marketed, and….well, it wasn’t bad, but it certainly wasn’t mind-blowing.  District 9 absolutely lives up to the hype.

The film is set up as a sort of after-the-fact documentary about an extraordinary event surrounding aliens who have already been on earth for twenty years.

SPOILERS FOLLOW

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I don't even have words for how wonderfully bizarre and creepy this looks.  It's also a fine example of a trailer that doesn't give away the best bits of the film it is meant to advertise. As far as actual content goes, I suppose the jury is still out. It has a definitive look (Duh -- Tim Burton films always do) and Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter, well, that's either inspired or a little bit too obvious. (I tend to think it's a bit of both.)

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As much as we all believe the story of Star Wars to be concluded (Who really believes that?  Come now.) in 2005 with the release of Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (The title of which makes no sense, but don’t get me started on that.) thus closing the story and journey of Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader, that film only did end one small bit of the universe for all of us fans.

                Since then, there have been dozens of video game releases and novelizations covering more of the Expanded Universe (I believe Beatrice Blythe likes to call that Glorified Fan Fiction, which is exactly what it is, but no one seems to care anyway.) not to mention the plethora of fan fiction that has been published and spread all over the Internet. 

                There is one story, however, that I would like to address, and maybe rant about because it is worthy of more than just yet another online Jedi fighting game.  Yes, I am finally discussing something about Star Wars.  Imagine that.

                The game I’m talking about is a new one that is not due to come out for a little while yet.  For PC it isn’t due out until January of 2010 and I believe that is just a guesstimate.  The game is Star Wars: The Old Republic not to be confused with Knights of the Old Republic, of course. 

                Now I’m not a gamer, I’m a writer.  I enjoy games when I get the chance to play them.  Whenever my brother comes over to visit he brings his Xbox and we get to play Halo or Soul Caliber IV and we beat the crap out of each other with gravity hammers or mad kung fu skills.  That is the extent of my gaming abilities.  I’m sure if I spent more money and more time I would be quite the addicted proficient, which is why it is probably a good thing that I don’t.

                I am only discussing The Old Republic because A) It is Star Wars to which I am a dedicated fan no matter how much George Lucas tries to disappoint me; and  B) Last night my brothers showed me the trailer to this game and had I been wearing socks at the time it would have knocked them off!

                The Old Republic is the mother of all prequels.  It deals with the story of the Jedi and Sith wars, which, according to the history, the Sith would have won, most likely if they had not ended up destroying themselves in the end.  That is when the whole “Always two, there are.  A master and an apprentice.” thing came into play.

                As for the game itself, I would play it.  It looks fantastically awesome!  But I don’t know a lot about game play, environments and things to judge any game properly.  That is why another one of our lovely staff will most likely take on reviewing the actual game when it comes out. 

                What I would like to address is my slight irritation with Lucasfilm for this.  This story has the potential to be one of the coolest, and most awesome stories portrayed in the Star Wars ‘verse.  It is before Obi-Wan and Yoda, before Palpatine and his plot to take over the galaxy.  In fact, it is the basis for the original story of the films.

                So basically, we’re dealing with a story that has the potential to be more mind blowing than any previous Star Wars film.  (Well, I can’t really compare anything to what the audiences experienced when A New Hope was first released.  But you know what I mean!)  And yet, what do we get?  Another online game.

                This story would be able to create an entirely new Star Wars trilogy of films that would bring in new fans and that the old fans would definitely go see because it is telling another story in the universe that we already know but would LOVE to see!  With none of the original characters to tinker around with, it would be completely fresh, new, and AWESOME!

                I suppose that’s why I have a beef with this game.  The story is one of the coolest stories in sci-fi and yet only some will get to take part in it.  As I said to my brothers last night, I suppose we will have to wait until George dies and then you can bet your butt that I’ll be starting on screen plays or whipping out ones I’ve already written!  Just the idea of seeing something like this in the format of a film makes my head figuratively explode.  Some may disagree.  I know many have said that they're sick of Star Wars movies and want to move on to other things but this would be so different that it would SEEM like a new thing - like the Star Trek revival of sorts. 

                The Old Republic looks like a good game but it would be so much more fun as an epic movie.  Especially, if George was credited as only a consultant on it.  I simply hate watching the idea of a good story not be brought up to its full potential.  Perhaps I'm being a little too wishful and nostalgic but that’s all I’m trying to say.

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Neill Blomkamp was originally considered back when the Powers That Be decided it would be a good idea to make a Halo movie.  And I could've sworn I saw teaser trailers for said movie and was overwhelmed by the awesome.  Apparently, Blomkamp is now off the project, which is on neverending hold...much like what happens when you attempt to get a Pizza Hut manager on the phone to tell them that they sent you a pizza with spoiled fruit.  At any rate, he's now responsible for the upcoming District 9, for which I must say the marketing as far as the trailers are concerned is fantastic.

So who is this guy?  What should we expect from him?  Thanks to the powers of the Internet, I've discovered that apparently he's directed short films and a few advertisements thus far.  He won an award in Cannes in 2008 for his Halo web commercial, which may or may not have been linked to my belief that I'd seen a teaser trailer on the big screen.  The point is, this seems to be the man's first big "Hollywood" project, and I already have high expectations of him.

I eagerly anticipate the theater release of District 9.  The teaser trailer had me hooked from the beginning.  I'm not going to mince words:  I was bouncing up and down in my seat trying not to SQUEE! and end up ejected from the movie.  This sort of film seems right up my alley.  It's got some interesting dystopian touches.  It's got aliens.  It's got grit.  I love anything involving the global reaction to extraterrestrial visitors (as long as I pretend that the Day the Earth Stood Still remake was just a horrible nightmare I came up with to torture myself).  And I also love moral ambiguity.  Good guys?  Bad guys?  As long as it's not flat-out "evil aliens vs. good and helpless humans," I am a very happy camper.

Thanks to a friend of mine, I have discovered this Youtube video which...honestly just gives me more hope.

 

I am fiercely brand loyal with everything from denim to automobiles to hairstylists.  Blomkamp has captured my attention and has the opportunity to earn my unyielding fandom with this single feature film.  No pressure, or anything.

That short film thrilled me so much, I went in search of the teaser trailer and embedded it below. I have to agree with Pearce -- this looks like the shizzat ~The Management

 

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Right up there with Pride and Prejudice and Zombies on the idea-so-bizarre-it's-brilliant scale, we find this gem of a book. I have not read it, but the product description is too delightful not to share:

It's the first ShatnerCon with William Shatner as the guest of honor! But after a failed terrorist attack by Campbellians, a crazy terrorist cult that worships Bruce Campbell, all of the characters ever played by William Shatner are suddenly sucked into our world. Their mission: hunt down and destroy the real William Shatner.

 

Featuring: Captain Kirk, TJ Hooker, Denny Crane, Rescue 911 Shatner, Singer Shatner, Shakespearean Shatner, Twilight Zone Shatner, Cartoon Kirk, Esperanto Shatner, Priceline Shatner, SNL Shatner, and - of course - William Shatner!

 

No costumed con-goer will be spared in their wave of destruction, no redshirt will make it out alive, and not even the Klingons will be able to stand up to a deranged Captain Kirk with a lightsaber. But these Shatner-clones are about to learn a hard lesson...that the real William Shatner doesn't take crap from anybody. Not even himself.

 Muahahaha! It's worth the $9.95 price tag just in sheer camp value. No matter who wins, Shatner still takes a beating. 

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But oh, my Lord.  As much as I'm ready for some ass-kicking action with a bunch of the characters I so very much wanted in the other movies...I'm also afraid.  Very, very afraid.

This movie, despite its potential to be fantastic, also has a dangerously strong potential to be EPIC, WORLD-ENDING FAIL.  I'm pretty kind to most of the movies I see, but there are certain aspects of the Wolverine movie on which I absolutely will not compromise.

1.        Ryan Reynolds.  I do not trust him to do anything.  Seriously.  I wouldn't let that man wash my car.  He's got a lot to prove in my book, since finding out he was in the movie was like being socked in the stomach.

2.       Gambit.  More specifically, GAMBIT'S ACCENT.  Such huge fail potential.  Many, many actors have attempted the Cajun accent, and for the most part, they have failed.  Miserably.  I'm sure from what I've seen in the trailers that the Gambit style is not at risk, but I have yet to hear the man speak a single word.

I can't help but be nervous over these two particular points.  There are a million other things that are cause for worry, but those are my Big Two.  We'll see how they end up, but in the meantime, I'm just going to be overly nervous.

Let's all join together in a dance to please the movie gods so that I don't have to have every chuck-able object moved out of my reach to prevent me from trying to vent directly at the movie.  It's happened - Bowling for Columbine, political debates....

Let's just all do the dance for the movie gods, okay?  For all our sakes.

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You want a real "just be yourself" story?  Let's look at Michael Bay's Transformers movies.  Granted, we've only seen the trailers for the second, but I mean...come on, it's pretty clear someone let the man off his leash.

The first Transformers, I spent the entire time wondering why I should give a crap about Shy Douche dying (aside from secretly rooting for it so he would get off the damn screen for more robots), becoming physically uncomfortable at the attempted character development, and finally discovering that apparently, Transformers have a kinky, voyeuristic side.  I don't know if I'll be able to sit through it again, but at some point, I suppose I'll get a bottle of whiskey and try to time the actual ROBOTS EFFING STUFF UP to I AM MICHAEL BAY AND I SWEAR I CAN DO CHARACTERS AND STUFF ratio.  I'm sure it will make us all cry and die a little inside.

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We are getting there guys!  I can feel it.  I can almost smell it!  I can see the light at the end of that chokingly dark tunnel of awards season awfulness where the lack of film entertainment sucks out the veritable souls of any science fiction/fantasy fan/comic book fan.  

There were a few exceptions of course.  The last film I went to see was Taken, which falls under the category of "Kick Ass Action", and therefore was very entertaining and satisfying.  Plus, I do enjoy me some Liam Neeson even when he's not wielding a lightsaber at someone.

There was also Australia, Valkyrie, and a few comedies thrown in there. 

But the situation has grown serious.  We, as nerds who understand the concept of warp drive and spend our time in wardrobes looking for Narnia, NEED some sustenance!  Our brains are melting from the realistic dramas that always steal awards out from under the good movies.  The movies people pay money to  see, and then pay more money to go and see again.  Ugh!  I am severely irked by that.  But that is another post entirely. 

(Film Awards and the Blatant Stupidity Behind Them ...   I may just attack that on a later date.)

Anyway...Kicking off the 2009 spring/summer film season is, of course, the greatly anticipated film Watchmen.  I must not be as nerdy as I once thought.  I remember seeing the teaser to this film ages and ages ago with the guy that gets zapped in that electrical field and the ship coming out of the water and all that...stuff.  I had no idea what the hell it was.  No idea.  It looked weird and artsy-fartsy to me. *coughcoughTheFountaincough*  I didn't realize it was a super hero film until I saw a full trailer a month or more later.  But THEN I thought it was going to be silly because I saw the Night Owl's pointy, caped, outfit.  Heh.  Come on now!  It's just so...pointy.

My brother has since then set me straight on some stuff about this story.  These are vague details that I don't consider spoilery but if you've been succeeding in not learning anything about this film except the fact that it looks cool and want to continue doing so then don't read any further.

According to Sean, my brother who has read the entire graphic novel, the only one of these people that you see running around in costumes and masks that actually has power is that Glowing Blue Guy.  I believe his name is Doctor Manhattan.  The rest of them are human, ninja vigilantes.  Remind you of anyone?  Well, how lame is that!  But the story is supposed to be fantastically awesome.  Who am I to argue with millions of comic book nerds? 

I'm sure it will do well.  It looks like the fun, new, action-packed, enough-compute- graphics-to-make-your-eyes-bleed, science fiction film that we've been needing for these past winter months.  In fact, if I were a betting woman, I would bet on it doing well because it seems to be the only film worth going to see this weekend. 

I looked up the list of films being released and Watchmen is the only one I recognized, surprisingly enough.  It is going to cream the competition this weekend, among which is:

Horsemen - Starring Dennis Quaid whom I LOVE.  The title references the four horsemen of the apocalypse.  Fun subject, that. 

Phoebe in Wonderland - Starring Elle Fanning.  I'll go out on a limb here without looking it up and say that she is Dakota Fanning's little sister.  It is PG-13 so I'd go and see it first before you take the kiddies.  It is about a little girl who gets the part of Alice in Alice in Wonderland in her school play but her imagination gets in the way living her life and her ability to follow the rules.

Here's the full list of films being released this weekend:

http://www.movieweb.com/movies/releases/week.php

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