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The Dow of Mouseloaf

Posted by: Mv2.3

Tagged in: WTF , Original Fiction

Mv2.3

 

Welcome to one of the millions of delightfully unofficial documents written by folks somehow touched by the philosophies of Discordianism.  This movement, which began in the 1960's and picked up speed in the digital age, is named for the goddess Discordia (Eris in the Greek).  She's the one who didn't get invited to a big to-do wedding among the gods.  Never aggravate a goddess of chaos, however.  Knowing that the attending goddesses would crawl all over each other, Discordia tossed a golden apple into the crowd, an apple that proclaimed it was "For the fairest".  Anyway, Juno, Minerva, and Venus fell in like over-caffeinated roller derby brutes, but when an idiot sheperd awarded the apple to Venus (big surprise), the result was the Trojan War.

Enjoy the Dow of Mouseloaf.

In which Queen Pepsishark IX and the Magnificent Gookoo encounter the goddess Eris, lately also called Discordia, and learn that in a universe of milk and chaos, only Mouseloaf remains true.

Pepsishark once thought that if there were an operative principle in the universe, it would be milk. Gookoo thought Pepsishark was a little eccentric, but then again she didn't have any better ideas. Since Gookoo believed that people who didn't have any better ideas should just shut up, that's what she did.

Mouseloaf is perhaps the most remarkable substance known to humanity and in the universe itself. Being a food, a building material, a toy, a cultural rallying point, a political pawn, and an engineering phenomenon, Mouseloaf is an astounding success, considering its origins as a use for dead mousies. Mouseloaf or what has been called Mausloaf Kultur began in the Paramus, NJ kitchen of a man known only as Unca Louie. His idea for the something that could be anything has conquered the world. Two competitors, Slice O' Mice and Mooseloaf, have tried to capitalize on Mouseloaf mania but failed so miserably that the Society of Suicidal Lemmings was formed from dismissed employees.

As far as Pepsishark and Gookoo knew, Unca Louie bumped into Eris just before putting Mouseloaf onto those first few lucky shelves. Eris showed Louie Chaos and the Holy Chao, and in seeing Chaos and the Holy Chao, Louie figured there would pretty much be room in the universe for anything, including loaves of mice. Eris was much pleased with Mouseloaf and granted Unca Louie a stick of cinnamon gum and the title Swell Pepsishark I.

Now Pepsishark IX was Unca Louie's direct descendant in the Mouseloaf Empire. What happened to Pepsishark II through VIII is either unknown or unimportant. At her side went the faithful Magnificent Gookoo.

"I lament," Gookoo said.

"You lament what, exactly?" replied Pepsishark.

"I lament that in a universe swimming in Chaos, order seems irrelevant."

"Irrelevant?" Pepsishark tweaked Gookoo's nose. "Don't be a silly. Order is a defining instrument of Chaos. Order is what makes Chaos. Without order, Chaos would be nothing but Mouseloaf."

"Mouseloaf?"

"A loaf of mouse."

"Oh."

Pepsishark and Gookoo jumped the fence and played a round of mini golf in the snow. It was an exercise in futility. After all, as it was Winter, the golf course was technically closed. No one was around to care if Pepsishark and Gookoo just dropped their golf balls into the holes and attain terrific scores. There was no one to reward their great talent with goldfish or stuffed dogs drinking beer.

Then in the parking lot, they happened upon an apple fashioned of gold. Let us point out that this is not a regular occurrence in our corner of the universe. Anyway, on the apple were the words "For the fairest".

"That wouldn't be me," Gookoo said.

"Me neither. So what do we do with it?"

"Dunno." Gookoo kicked at a patch of ice. "Sell it?"

"It's probably just gold-plated," Pepsishark said.

"You have a remarkable talent for spotting the valueless." Gookoo took a step towards the apple oddity. "I like Red Delicious myself."

Here ends the Dow of Mouseloaf as it has been revealed thus far. You could go back to the beginning and read it again, since beginning and ending are arbitrary anyway.


It's Morbidly Delicious!

Posted by: Mv2.3

Tagged in: WTF , Humor , Horror , History

Mv2.3

The practice of burying the dead may date back 350000 years, as evidenced by a 45-foot-deep pit in Atapuerca, Spain, filled with the fossils of 27 hominids of the species Homo heidelbergensis, a possible ancestor of Neanderthals and modern humans.

 

There are at least 200 euphemisms for death, including "to be in Abraham's bosom," "just add maggots," and "sleep with the Tribbles" (a Star Trek favorite).

 

No American has died of old age since 1951. That was the year the government eliminated that classification on death certificates.

 

The trigger of death, in all cases, is lack of oxygen. Its decline may prompt muscle spasms, or the "agonal phase," from the Greek word agon, or contest.

 

So much for recycling: Burials in America deposit 827,060 gallons of embalming fluid—formaldehyde, methanol, and ethanol—into the soil each year. Cremation pumps dioxins, hydrochloric acid, sulfur dioxide, and carbon dioxide into the air. Alternatively, a Swedish company will freeze-dry your body in liquid nitrogen, pulverize it with high-frequency vibrations, and seal the resulting powder in a cornstarch coffin. They claim this "ecological burial" will decompose in 6 to 12 months.

 

Zoroastrians in India leave out the bodies of the dead to be consumed by vultures. The vultures are now dying off after eating cattle carcasses dosed with diclofenac, an anti-inflammatory used to relieve fever in livestock.

 

In Madagascar, families dig up the bones of dead relatives and parade them around the village in a ceremony called famadihana. The remains are then wrapped in a new shroud and reburied. The old shroud is given to a newly married, childless couple to cover the connubial bed.

 

During a railway expansion in Egypt in the 19th century, construction companies unearthed so many mummies that they used them as fuel for locomotives.

 

Well, yeah, there's a slight chance this could have backfired: English philosopher Francis Bacon, a founder of the scientific method, died in 1626 of pneumonia after stuffing a chicken with snow to see if cold would preserve it.

 

For organs to form during embryonic development, some cells must commit suicide. Without such programmed cell death, we would all be born with webbed feet, like ducks.

 

In 1907 a Massachusetts doctor conducted an experiment with a specially designed deathbed and reported that the human body lost 21 grams upon dying. This has been widely held as fact ever since. It's not.

 

In 19th-century Europe there was so much anecdotal evidence that living people were mistakenly declared dead that cadavers were laid out in "hospitals for the dead" while attendants awaited signs of putrefaction.

 

More people commit suicide in New York City than are murdered.



Read more:http://www.myspace.com/apocalypsegirl#ixzz0wGnyPC62

 


Jesse's Angry "You Steal Ideas?!"

Posted by: Jessenovels

Tagged in: WTF , Writing

Jessenovels

 

This past week I joined the Twitter #writechat and #storycraft weighed in my two cents. It was great, I met some cool people got a lot of my comments retweeted. But, one comment I made to the #storycraft got someone’s attention, this tweet name will remain in the dark. Here was the tweet I made:

 

"Never look to others and ask how your story should end or start. Whose creation is it, yours or theirs?"

 

I believe this to the point, I think writers really need to bleed for their own work. It’s different if your in a group project, but if you’re writing your own story don’t look to others for the start, ending, or when you have writers block. Take ownership of it sink or swim.  That's how every writer should roll.

 

Then out of the blue I get this nice little response "Sometimes it helps to ask. Someone's idea could spark an idea that takes me a different way." Hmm, not bad, still don't agree.

 

I come back with "But, then it becomes no longer your creation, writers need to dig for their own creativity."

 

After a few more tweets I get the famous quote "All art is theft. ~ Pablo Picasso?" WTF!!!

 

So an easy question to ask, is "If all art is theft, then why not rip off what's out there now, why seek the helps of others?

 

This tweet comes back with "That's why I read." At this point my writing passion is on fire! I can't wrap my head around this, is this person really trying to justify and make up excuses for not trying to be creative? They claim that there is no more originality and the we subconsciously steal, so what's the big freaking deal if I take an idea here and there. Sorry, I call that a lazy writer who shouldn't be in the field of WRITING!

 

If someone say's there's no more  originality in this world, then it's our job as artist to redfine it. Writers are the foundation of all everything new and creative, an artist that doesn't think of a way to bring something new to this world, gets in to a lazy habit of thinking. It's our duty and sense of adventurism to create something different, don't fall on the " Well, it's been done, so let's steal someone else idea."  I'm calling bullshit on every writer that sinks to that level. Trust me, I'm not scared to blast whoever it is on it, be it one of my Geekachicas.

 

What do my Geekachicas and readers think, weigh in. Do you disagree, agree, or have a different view point. Let's hear it.

 

I leave you with these final words from one great mind "I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my own imagination- Albert Einstein "

 


MOAR improbably-packaged foods!

Posted by: Nightsky

Tagged in: WTF , Food

Nightsky

 

Has the novelty of the sushi Pez dispenser worn off?  Do you find yourself gazing listlessly into your pantry, hoping that more bizarre food packages might be on your shelf, examples of answers to questions nobody asked?

 

Fear not!  We have methods of getting food into cans that would make our ancestors weep.

 

 

Whether they'd be weeping with joy or sorrow, we cannot say.

 


God Bless Shatnerday

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: WTF , Video , Star Trek , Music , Humor , Eye Candy

Pearce

 

It's a shame that Splice is being marketed the way it's been.  Based on the trailers I've seen, it looks like a horror movie.  It's not.  It's actually fairly thought-provoking.  I enjoyed it, and I was pleasantly surprised that it was more than some freaky thing escaping from a lab and running around eating people.


Ultimate geek food? The sushi-o-matic

Posted by: Nightsky

Tagged in: WTF , Lifestyle , Food

Nightsky

 

When I was a little girl in the 1980s, I was reasonably sure that by now we'd have shuttle services to the moon and a real live version of the hoverboard from Back To The Future Part 2.

 

But, in a twist that reminds us that fake futures are never half as bizarre as the real future, we get the Sushi Popper instead.  Yes, like a cross between a Pez dispenser and one of those Push-Up Pops I was so fond of, back in those halcyon days, the Sushi Popper is a little cardboard tube that you push up from the bottom to deliver slices of California roll (or whatever) directly to your quivering lips.  Soy sauce is supplied in another little tube.  The delivery system for pickled ginger and/or wasabi isn't mentioned, but my guess would be food pills, or maybe a cunning little aerosol squirt.  Just kidding!  I think.


Someone Has Too Much Free Time

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: WTF , Lifestyle , Internet Phenomenon , Games , gadgets

Pearce

 

...and it's totally awesome.

 

 Is it just me, or are new LEGO sets a lot simpler and less challenging than old ones? 


Star Wars: The 10th-century Icelandic saga

Posted by: Nightsky

Tagged in: WTF , Websites and Blogs , Star Wars , Humor , History

Nightsky

 

Amalia the Savage, this one's for you.

 

Star Wars considered as an Old Norse epic.

 

 Encouraged by the positive reception the above introduction received, the acclaimed scholar behind the effort is translating the saga and making it available online:

Chapter 1 

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

RSS feed here.

 

(Via Making Light.)


Conspiracy Theorist Logic 101

Posted by: Pearce

Pearce

 

I am annoyed.  There is far too much idiocy on the Internet.  No, this isn't anything new or surprising, but sometimes I run across so much idiocy on a single subject that I feel the need to beat some sense into everyone.  Of course, since this is the Internet, I can't.

 

 But if you're free to put your claims out there, I'm free to bitch about their inaccuracy and lack of logical insight.

 

I'm not going to provide any links because I don't want to give these particular sites any more traffic, but lately I've run across a boatload of articles about the brainwashing conspiracies behind Disney, pop music, and so forth...all backed by either the Illuminati or the Freemasons.  For some reason, people who write this sort of thing think the two names can be used interchangeably.  Probably because they're so busy trying to keep their kids from watching the Lion King that they can't be bothered to open a book or perform a Google search.

 

Just to show the Internet how incredibly easy it is to find basic facts, I will now direct you to the first link that shows up when I Google each of these terms.

 

Illuminati 

 

Freemason 

 

All of that effort, including the effort of putting the links into this piece, took me less than sixty seconds.  While Wikipedia is often a questionable source, it still illustrates my point:  this information isn't all that hard to come across.   The words "Illuminati" and "Freemason" should not be used interchangeably simply for the purposes of accuracy (and credibility, if you're going to go around claiming that we're all being brainwashed by Tuna Helper, or whatever). 

 

If you're not offended enough yet, just wait.  There's more. 


The Ultimate Word Problem Nightmare

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: WTF , Technology , Previews , Movies , Editorial

Pearce

 


Humanity was wiped out 10 years ago, and 2, 4, and 5 were dragged off by a giant brain machine traveling northeast at 75 kilometers per hour.  If 9 and 7 are running from a beast machine traveling north at 85 kilometers per hour, at what time will 1 realize that being a pansy is not the answer and that 6 can help 9 find the Misguided Scientist's fractured mind to save humanity by making it rain split pieces of soul on them hoes?  (20 pts.)

 

I enjoyed the Tim-Burton-produced 9, which managed to be original and free of the "Look!  I'm Tim Burton!  Watch me play 'art!'"  At the same time, I couldn't help but stare blankly at the rolling credits with the aforementioned final exam question of doom floating through my head.

 

 Set in a post-apocalyptic world where humans are apparently non-existent, at first, the setting of 9 appears to have been spawned by Terminator:  Salvation.  After a bit of convenient exposition, however, the viewer is told that the "Brain" machine that started the mess was originally intended to be intelligent and to build new versions of itself for "peace."  Unfortunately for humanity, what can only be described as a poorly-veiled version of Hitler decided to use the Brain for world domination.  Politics and science of course equaled disaster, and presumably not-Hitler and his ilk were wiped out after placing all the blame on Misguided Scientist. 

 

The movie was visually fantastic and quite entertaining, if a bit confusing.  The DVD did make the original short film available, and the original idea was changed a bit too much in the translation to full-length film, in my opinion. 

 

(SPOILERS FOLLOW) 


 

 

Bunny Captain KirkThose of you who havebeen around here for a bit maybe acquainted with our resident purveyor of snarky movie recaps, Fluffy Bunny.  You may not know that Fluffy (otherwise known as Lisa), besides having a great wit and writing for us here, makes her living as a self-employed artist. She is based in Orlando, and also has an internet shop, F-Bod Studios, where she offers both her art and her gift of snark for us to enjoy.

 

I've always been impressed by her, making a life for herself with her art and wit -- and all on her own terms.  Like many self-employed folk in recent years, Lisa had to make the choice between food and shelter  and health insurance. (I know how this feels, too -- my Beloved and I have been Galactic designself-employed for years, and now pay more per month to ensure our family of four than we do for housing, and we've reduced our coverage every year. It's only by the grace of God (and the fear of losing our children's future to catastrophic illness and financial ruin) that we remain among the lucky insured.) 

 

 

It's not a new thing -- lots of people in America have had to make that choice. More and more every year. Consider this fifteen-year-old clip from The Simpsons:

 

  You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this video 

 

 

 

Recently Lisa was rushed to the hospital with heart palpitations. Soon she discovered that her  heart is fine, that her condition is easily treatable and not currently life-threatening -- but it could easily become so without surgery.

 

Basically, she has uterine fibroids that cause such severe bleeding every month that she is dangerously anemic. So anemic that her organs don't get enough oxygen, and her heart becomes stressed trying to push what hemoglobin she has around to everywhere that needs it. She's on iron supplements, but whatever she manages to build up is lost every 28 days. The only treatment that can help at this point is a hysterectomy. 

 

 

No big deal, right? It's a fairly routine surgery, and one her gynecologist will gladly do for $2700.00 up front, which Lisa simply doesn't have. She's exhausted the options available to her through hospital programs (and they are more than willing to let her pay off her recent $8,000.00 bill over time). But she falls in that sweet spot financially -- the one between being well-off enough to afford medical care or health insurance on her own and being poor enough to qualify for medicaid or other state-funded programs. 

 

Dryad

 

So Lisa, our own Fluffy Bunny, is stuck waiting for a relatively simple health problem to become a life-threatening one -- which it definitely will long before she can save up the $2700 for the surgery. AND once it has to be done in an emergency situation, the cost will likely be much higher, not only for her. I used to work for the government, and I've seen it happen a lot, something treatable, left untreated, ends up ruining people financially and causing the health care system to absorb the rest of the cost. 

 

This is a good thing for exactly no one. Especially not for my friend, and you can help her. betty

 

This article is scattered with images of her art, her wit, and her livelihood. And now I'm going to beg you to help raise money for Fluffy's operation. Spread the word! If we can get enough people to donate a dollar or five, maybe we can save her the expense of another ER visit or however many it takes until they decide she's close enough to death to warrant an emergency operation.  Things being what they are, I know few of us are in a position to give large amounts. But if you donate a little and help us spread the word, we can help.   

 

Together, we can help.  I'm even putting a up this handy button, to make things easy. It's for a PayPal account dedicated to Fluffy's Bye-Bye Woman-Part That is Killing Me Fund. (The Human Fund is the actual name that comes up, and everything donated goes straight to her.)

 

Also, if any of the designs or slogans scattered around this article catch your fancy, you can buy them on a variety of products here. She's got some freaking awesome t-shirts.

 


Will Someone Please Repo the Repo Men?

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: WTF , Recs , Music , Movies , Editorial

Pearce

 

Some of you may have heard about Jude Law's upcoming movie Repo Men (or as it may have originally been titled, Repossession Mambo).  For those who haven't, here's the deal:

 

A company can replace your organs if they're failing.  And they'll do it on a payment plan.  However, if you stop making payments, the organ(s) can be repossessed.

 

Neat film for sci-fi/horror geeks, right?

 

Yeah, it'd be even better if it wasn't a blatant ripoff of an extremely good musical film which sadly went almost straight to video.  

 

 

 

I understand that original ideas are hard to come by and all that, but nothing irritates me more when a better-quality original is overlooked because the "new" product is more well-known.  Even worse, there are plenty of instances in which the original is later seen as the rip-off.  For a good example from the music industry, see also:  Mushroomhead vs. Slipknot, which is quite the beehive to poke with a stick and an extremely polarizing subject among fans.

 

Consider this a public service announcement, folks:  Repo Men is just a big-budget version of Repo!  The Genetic Opera.  Repo! is fantastic.  It's been described as "a Rocky Horror meets Blade Runner rock opera/movie musical."  Now, I personally hate Rocky Horror, but I adore the Genetic Opera.  It also has the same amazing vocalist as the 5th Element, where she made her brief appearance as a blue opera singer.  I don't want to give away the plot because this film is definitely one you should go see for yourself, but "Repo man goes around killing people and taking organs" doesn't begin to describe what's going on.

 

Other facts about Repo!

 


 

Aside from the Rifftrax guys' ubiquitous Christmas carol version of "Pokerface," there is an entire album you must purchase for great lulz this holiday season.

 

 

Have Yourself a Meaty Little Christmas

 

My rating?

 

(Four Chicas)

 

 

Okay, I love Aqua Teen Hunger Force, but even if you don't (and there are plenty of people who don't), there's a good chance you'll find this album hilarious.  Especially those who've had just a little too much stress to handle.  They have some pretty fantastic, if not family-friendly lyrics.

 

 

The tracks and my favorite lines are as follows (be warned that by clicking "Read more," you will likely be amused, scandalized, and/or insulted):

 


Behold: ECOGATE!

Posted by: Pearce

Tagged in: WTF , The Sky is Falling , Science , Politics , Lifestyle

Pearce

 

So you know how everyone from Al Gore to Leonardo DiCaprio has been telling us we're all gonna die for having massive carbon footprints?  And you know how we've been subjected to this drivel for years upon years whilst they zoom about in private jets to meet up in exotic cities for conferences instead of telecommuting to help save the earth?

 

I've said it before, and I'll say it again:  there are billions to be made by "going green."  That's no exaggeration.  Many people are willing to pay out the nose for something that seems more eco-friendly.  Don't even get me started on the concept of eliminating incandescent bulbs.  Yes, there are (limited) options besides CFLs as alternatives, but CFLs cause severe headaches in a significant portion of the population.  Would Obamacare like to provide me with some Vicodin for hugging some trees?

 

 

 

Guess what?

 


ADHD and Me

Posted by: cyannide

Tagged in: WTF , Lifestyle

cyannide

So I wanted to write a little bit about how my brain works and my thought process.

 

First off, I have ADHD. I’ve had it all my life, and if I was in elementary school now I would have been put on Ritalin very fast. I talked so much that in Grade 3 I sat beside every person in class and then ended up at a desk in the library. But, I do have focus. I got good grades all throughout school. I’m just very random.

 

A side effect of the ADHD is when I’m on the computer, I need to be doing multiple tasks at once, for short bursts. I get in to work and open my email and some folders, and the coding software I need, and at least 3 internet tabs. I need to have multiple things open at once. And I jump from task to task in short bursts, but I get all my work done. And another problem with that is that when someone comes to me with something to do, I do it immediately, and end up getting all my work done too quickly sometimes. And even at home, I need to be on Facebook, the View Askew message board, MSN, Yahoo, and usually at least one other site. Sometimes I will even be working or listening to music as well. I need to do multiple tasks at once to function.

 

Another problem I have is obsession, which I think also stems from the ADHD. I get really obsessed about some things, and sometimes it’s just for a short period of time until I lose interest. I have spend weeks reading up on Crypto-zoology, and then weeks just looking at tattoos. With some of the things, like getting a tattoo, if I don’t get it right away, I lose interest and move on. And I also get obsessed about shows. I used to watch Trailer Park Boys when it first started, then stopped watching it a few years ago. Now, a few weeks ago there was a marathon on so I watched it, and I’m obsessed again. Watching episodes daily, and the 2 movies, and just reading all kinds of info about them. But I know it will pass.

 

Before I go, and in case I haven’t weirded you out enough, I want to briefly explain an odd thought process I have. What happens is, I’ll think of something, like a song I like, then I’ll remember it was in a movie, and then I’ll think about an actor in that movie, and then maybe what I know about him, then what other movies he was in, and then maybe about how I saw one of those with a friend and how we got tacos, and then I’ll think about the taco places the have somewhere else, etc etc. But then, I’ll try to reverse through my thoughts, to try to remember what sparked each one, back to the first thought I had. I do this in conversations, and I also do it daydreaming, or when I’m trying to fall asleep.

 

So, basically, that’s the story of my ADHD. It’s probably the reason I got so addicted to WoW, and also the reason I haven’t finished my zombie novella yet.

 


More Bizarro Book Titles for Free Download

Posted by: UberWench

Tagged in: WTF , Books

UberWench

 

Well, friends and neighbors, because last week's giveaway of Shatnerquake was such ahuge success. To celebrate the awesome response, Eraserhead Press is giving away five more bizarro books! Now available for free download are:

 

Ass Goblins of Auschwitz by Cameron Pierce

Super Fetus by Adam Pepper

Sausagey Santa by Carlton Mellick III

The Bizarro Starter Kit (orange)

The Bizarro Starter Kit (blue)

 

Just go here: http://jeffburk.wordpress.com/free-books/ and get five more free books. The links will be active until the end of the Thanksgiving weekend. Should provide enough brain-melting fun to get you through the stressful holiday season! *

 

*Reader assumes all risk. Neither Eraserhead Press nor GeekaChicas assume liability should neurological damage result from the misuse of free products.


 Oh, sure, the Internet is a wonderful demographic platform, and is giving rise to amateur efforts that are not only shaking up the world of media creation and consumption[1], but can also be outstanding artistic efforts in their own rights.  See Pixel Chick's paen to YouTube standouts for more; plus, I'll add links to two of my own favorites: Tony Blair singing "Should I Stay Or Should I Go?" and George W. Bush singing "Sunday Bloody Sunday".  Your life is not complete without these.

 

But wait! They can't ALL be tiny shining jewels of innovation and talent.  For every Numa Numa Song or The Guild, there are a dozen videos or channels that make you want to gouge your eyes out, or at the very least forswear technology for the rest of your mortal life.

 

And so it is with another showcase of amateur talent, Etsy.  Don't get me wrong--I like Etsy.  I've bought stuff from Etsy, and it's uniformly been pretty terrific.  I've turned my mom onto Etsy.  But mixed in amongst the steampunk jewelry and hand-dyed fibers and avant-garde sculpture are plenty of things that look like rejects from second grade art class. 

 

To catalog them all, we have... Regretsy , a wonderful snark-tastic blog in the tradition of the late lamented You Knit What?!, dedicated to finding these inexplicable labors of love and sharing them with the rest of us.

 

 WARNING: Often NSFW, and boy are they ever not kidding.  Also, may inspire nightmares.

 

 [1] One terrific side effect of YouTube, quality of videos aside, is that it is quietly and steadily undermining one of  the DRM lobby's key underlying assumptions: that content flows one way, from media producers (i.e. studios) to media consumers (i.e. us commoners).  Once, that sort of went without saying; but in the age of YouTube, it's increasingly less tenable.


 

There may be many reactions when confronted with a lump of industrial-strength stupid early on a Tuesday morning, but mine was weariness.  Biologists probably feel this way, when creationists engage them in what the creationist probably thinks is the first challenge to the biologist's worldview but which is more like the 85 millionth.  But biologists find a way to go on, and keep on patiently explaining grade-school level science to smug people whose Fact Deflection Shields are fully engaged, and they keep doing this well after I'd have beat the cretins to death with a rolled-up printout of the talk.origins FAQ.  And so shall I soldier on, for all the good it's likely to do.



Today's steaming pile comes to us from one of those sites devoted to the plight of the poor beleaguered middle-class white man, and is about how women have ruined science fiction.[1]   It is a work of consummate asshattery, yes, but it has a sort of density or maybe a purity of awfulness to it: it's hard to know where to even begin.  It's like trying to rebut an argument that we could solve world hunger by mining the moon for its cheese. 

 

So I'll start with the first sentence:

 

Science fiction is a very male form of fiction.


Yes, it sure is. In fact, the very first science fiction novel was written by a man... wait, no.  I mean a woman: Mary Shelley.

I encounter this sort of thing when I look at the history of my own academic field, computer science: everyone knows that computer science was 100% men until very very recently, when in fact the field was co-founded by a woman[2] and has had hugely important women all throughout its approximately 150 years of experience, and I'd go on in much more detail except that I'm getting a little off topic.

Back to the Invisible Woman problem--which, as it turns out, is a handy way into examining the unconscious sexism that lies at the heart of this argument and others like it.

Some folk have noticed that among the Issues guaranteed to drive me bananas is the widespread notion that women have just recently discovered science fiction fandom.  (I posted last month that this meme may finally be dying out, but essays like this one make me lose hope.)  As with the history of computer science, it's demonstrably false. Women have been active in fandom since its inception--there are female fans in this 1951 article on the nascent fandom subculture, and note the acknowledgement of female fans in this 1955 fanspeak dictionary, and here's a Wikipedia article on Bjo Trimble, the fan who organized the letter drive to save Star Trek TOS.  But, as with the history of computer science, the factual wrongness points to something deeper and uglier: a systematic minimization and discrediting of women's contributions and women's achievements. 

 

 In a word, sexism.

 

This is the point where people usually go, "Uh, Nightsky... don't you think you might be going a little overboard here?  Seeing sexism everywhere? In 2009, among fans--generally bright and educated and raised to see women as equals?"

 

Well, yes.  There's sexism and there's sexism.  Thank Ghod we do not have to tolerate--as my very own mother did--bosses who copped feels, or human resource people who won't hire a young woman because why bother, she'll have to quit work when she gets married.  For this I am constantly grateful to the feminists of yesterday.  But if we've won one set of battles, we haven't yet won them all, and sexism may be subtler but by ghod it's still there.  I had college study buddies tell me, not a little resentfully, that I wouldn't have to worry about finding a job, because any engineering shop would JUMP at the chance to hire a woman.[3]  They weren't woman-haters, they weren't bad people, and they weren't troglodytes; they were acting on a set of (sexist) assumptions they didn't even know they held and that I was too cowardly/lazy to challenge[4].

 

And so, just as I expect that the gigabytes of fanfic out there will be an unimaginable treasure trove for future linguists and anthropologists, we can glean much more about this author than he suspects--not because of what he says, but because of what he assumes.  Because the same raft of sexist assumptions he has are alive and well and underpinning other essays out there, and other less-articulated grumblings, all across fandom, and it's time to stand up and call them what they are.

 

  • Women are defective men. (This one underpins the rest, really. Man good, woman bad.)
  • Science fiction is by and for men and boys.  Women are guests in fandom.
  • Only men are qualified to judge whether something is or is not science fiction.
  • Old BSG is superior to New BSG. (This assumption... might be limited to him. To put it charitably.)
  • Men do and create. Women don't.
  • Men don't have any emotional attachments to other people. Only women have relationships.
  • Works appeal to either men or women, not both.
  • Media that appeals to women has less merit, intrinsically, than media that appeals to men.
  • An increase in female viewership necessarily means a decrease in male viewership.
  • An increase in female viewership means that the show must have been changed in order to appeal to women. (As opposed to, say, more women discovering it.)
  • An increase in female viewership means a corresponding decrease in the quality of the show.
  • It is more important that science fiction inspire boys than that it inspire girls.
  • Women aren't suited for science.
  • Men who disagree with the above are as bad as women. (Note the use of the term "mangina" applied to Joss Whedon.)

 

Lunch is ending, so I'll turn it over to you all to enumerate some of your own. Share and enjoy!

And finally, I'd just like to add that if the author thinks that Russell T. Davies was the first gay showrunner on Doctor Who, then he really doesn't know his Who.  We'll leave aside the part about RTD inventing Captain Jack (he didn't; that was Steven Moffat, who is straight), because that's kind of obscure, but come on!  Doctor Who hasn't had a straight producer since 1979.

 

[1] I know!  I was surprised to hear about that, too, given that--as everyone knows--women only discovered science fiction about six months ago.
[2] Ada Lovelace.  It's difficult to overstate her contribution to the field.  Charles Babbage may have made the first calculating machine, but it only did one task.  The idea of a reprogrammable computer, one that would execute any task, was Ada's.
[3] I didn't have the heart to tell them that actual employment statistics suggest otherwise.
[4] Which is another reason for the exhaustion noted above.  Being a symbol means that you have to call the others on their shit, because no one else is going to, and silence implies consent. It gets old fast.


Girl Cooties and Sci-Fi

Posted by: A Nonny Mouse

Tagged in: WTF , Television , Science , Feminism , Editorial

A Nonny Mouse

 

Remember The Invisible Boy from the movie Mystery Men?  You know, the kid that was only invisible when no one was looking at him?  Yeah, that's not so much a new and exciting superpower, women who love sci-fi have long known that power and we keep trying to get rid of it! 


On the off chance you missed a certain article that has been making the rounds of the blogosphere, women are destroying science fiction.  Women and our girl cooties are forcing the manly men who love science fiction to think about their feeeeeeeelings.  And relaaationships and oh my god the fact manly men doing manly things doesn't always help.  Oh noes!  I mean my god, man the fact that boys might actually like other boys is preposterous and obviously the work of those evil manipulative women that are banging on the door of our guys only club!  The horror!  The madness!  It's the death of science fiction as we know it!!  Pretty soon they'll be doing things like calling it SyFy!


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